The Balance of Dreams
by viciousrumours
Summary: For most of us, there is silence in dreams.  For River Tam, there is never silence.  When she discovers a way to make the screaming stop, will she leave Serenity, and the only person who's ever anchored her, behind?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **_This is the first time I've ever tried Firefly fan-fic. My use of pinyin will be a little slow until I get used to it, so bear with me. I am working on my own novel, so the updates may be sporadic. I love feedback and welcome constructive crits. I don't currently have a Beta-reader so if you see any mistakes, please point them out. I tend to edit my writing periodically, so if I make changes to chapters, I'll be sure to let everyone know. Chapters 2 and 3 should be up later tonight. This story has a soundtrack and I plan to set up a playlist on for anyone who's interested. I'll be sure to note any music in the notes before each chapter. Enjoy! _

_(Oh, and before I forget, please insert the standard disclaimer here.)_

_(Also, to anyone who is reading my other fics and stumbled in here...Yes, I plan on updating both of them soon...like this weekend soon, so keep an eye out.)_

**Chapter 1**

"_A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." - Oscar Wilde_

Morpheus, God of Dreams. As River stared out the windows of Serenity's cockpit watching the bright lights of the planet glitter below her she thought the name was apt. The scene laid out beneath her looked like a dream scape Bright colors and movement trapped between vast expanses of darkness. She could see her own face reflecting back at her through the glass of Serenity's windows and she thought she wasn't so different from the planet below. All darkness with sudden flashes of light.

"Cap'n wants to know when we'll break atmo."

The sudden voice behind her made her jump slightly and she knew who it was before she turned around. The energy swirling around her was hard to mistake. She turned in her seat and looked over her shoulder. Jayne Cobb stood in the doorway of the cockpit, one hand supporting him on the outside of the door while he leaned in, his head tilted, waiting for her answer. She could feel the rise and fall of his breath in her own chest and she fought the urge to inhale deeply, instead she smiled lightly and answered, "We'll be down in ten."

The big man grunted briefly before disappearing down the corridor again. River sighed as she watched his departing back, then turned her attention to the flight controls again and began the landing sequence, her mind wandering as she ran through the movements that had become second nature to her. In the six months since the events on Miranda, River had learned to control her outbursts, to hide the chaos whirling through her mind from the others.

Even though she had become quite adept at masking the turmoil roiling within her, the crew still tended to treat her like she was made of glass. She knew that they were worried that she would lose control again, like she had done in Maidenhead. She knew that although they cared for her, deep inside they were all a little afraid of her. She'd even sensed the fear in her brother, and, for the first time since she'd been in the Academy, she had begun to feel truly alone.

Of course, none of that kept the Captain from making use of her skills as a Reader. Since Miranda, she hadn't needed to kill anyone, but they all knew she was capable of doing it with great ease. So she went along on all of the jobs, hanging in the back of the group, listening, searching others minds for hints of deception or malevolence. She never complained, never faltered, but she was aware that as much as they needed her, their fear kept them from truly accepting her.

Flipping the final switch to begin the landing sequence she shook her head and wiped at the single tear that rolled down her cheek. Crying was weak, and she wasn't weak. She would never allow anyone to see that side of her again. She had locked the pain and the fear deep inside and she never meant to let it out again. Only in her loneliest moments did she let herself think about the things she wanted most. Now as she watched the Nightside docks get closer and the lights of Pathos get brighter she allowed herself one of those moments. What she really dreamed of was finding a place where everyone was different and no one knew her. A place where she could escape into the background and blend in.

She landed Serenity gently and disengaged the engines before she stood up from her seat behind the flight controls and walked the short distance to the doorway. Pausing she glanced over her shoulder to look at the lights one last time before she left. There was work to be done, thoughts to be sifted through, feelings to discern. She pushed the bitter pain back down and walked down the corridor, the captain would want to talk to everyone before they left the ship and she would be expected to be there, even though she already knew the part she had to play.

oOo

Mal stood in the cargo bay and watched as his crew gathered around him. The months since Miranda had changed all of them, some for the better, some in ways you wouldn't really notice if you weren't looking for it, but all of them had changed. Zoe was harder, Jayne was almost introspective, Kaylee was more persistent in her cheer than ever before, like she was trying to make up for the hole left by their loss. As River came down the stairs his thoughts turned to her. She had changed the most. Where there had once been an unpredictable little girl, scared and helpless, there was a young woman, quiet and reserved. He wasn't sure when he'd noticed the change really, it just sort of crept up on him. One day he simply realized she wasn't talking in riddles or chasing after Kaylee in the cargo bay any more.

When she finally joined the group, he cleared his throat, "All right, here's how it's gonna go. We got us a job here, gonna meet up with the client...Jayne, Zoe, River.. I'll need you to be comin' with me for that," he said before turning to where Kaylee stood with the Doc, "You two just sit tight, shouldn't take us to long to get ourselves squared away."

"How long we gonna be planet side Cap?" Kaylee asked, hope shining in her eyes, "I'd sure like to go into Pathos and have a look around."

"We'll be stayin for two days. Get supplies laid in and then get to the job."

"Do we know what it is they want done sir?" Zoe asked.

Mal nodded slightly, "Just a standard run to the border planets, way I understand it. Probably delivering goods that can't be shipped through normal channels. Now let's get moving."

River climbed into the mule, sitting quietly, staring out into the air, while Zoe, Jayne and the captain got settled. She rested her chin on her hands and closed her eyes when the bay doors opened, the night air swirling in on a cool cloud of dust and mist. There was a sudden rush of heat as Jayne sat down next to her. She could feel his energy swirl around her, engulfing her in a wash of adrenaline and tension. He was always on edge when they went to a meet, always prepared for trouble. She lifted her head and looked at the large man seated next to her and was more than a little surprised to see his blue eyes staring back. She turned away quickly, not wanting to get into the inevitable sparring match that erupted whenever she spoke to him.

As they left the dock area and headed into the city proper, River watched the lights and buildings fly past her, all blurring into a stream of color and smell. She closed her eyes again, trying to erase the traces of thoughts and feelings that flooded past her. Her stomach clenched and she could feel the pin prick of anxiety building behind her eyes. Nausea rose in her throat and she swallowed hard. She needed a clear head tonight, she couldn't afford to make any mistakes.

oOo

Jayne sat next to River and watched her out of the corner of his eye. He'd never been what anyone would call a compassionate man, but things like what happened on Miranda had a way of making a man take stock of his life. He'd watched Zoe put up walls to protect herself and he'd watched in envy as Kaylee surrounded Simon with her gentleness and love. And he'd seen the change in the girl, too. She used to be all crazy and unpredictable, but since Miranda, she'd become a ghost, whisperin' through the corridors of Serenity. She was there, but not there at the same time. He wasn't sure anyone else noticed, or if they did maybe they just thought she'd gotten herself cured by letting go of all that ugly.

Now as he watched her stare out into the night he thought he saw her shiver despite the warm summer air. Leaning closer he spoke to her, "You all right girlie?"

River started when Jayne spoke, turning quickly to face him. She looked at him for a second, trying to recall what he'd said, then she said simply, "I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Well don't go strain' yourself," he joked.

River tried to smile in return, knowing it was the proper response, but as she tried she was hit with a wave of pain and fear. For a brief moment she felt her mask slip, her face contorting into a grimace.

Jayne reached for her, "Hey now, what the hell is that about?"

River recovered quickly and the lie she told slipped easily from her mouth, "Hit my gorram elbow on the side of the mule. Hurt's like hell."

The tension in Jayne's face eased and he grinned, teeth flashing white against the dark, "Yeah, that'll set your teeth back a bit."

They sat looking at each other for another second before River turned away again, not wanting to continue trying to make small talk, it was to exhausting.

They passed the rest of the ride in silence, arriving at their destination moments later. Jayne jumped out of the mule and reached up the help River down. His large hands wrapped around her waist easily and once again, River felt herself surrounded by his energy. This time she gave in to her urges and inhaled sharply at the contact before pushing herself away as soon as her feet touched the ground.

Jayne felt the girls sharp intake of breath as he lifted her from the mule, felt her push herself away from him, but before he could think on it any further, the captain and Zoe were behind him. He turned away from her and looked at the captain, "Which one we headed to?" he asked, jerking his head to the row of buildings behind him.

"The one on the left," Mal answered as he started walking, "Come on girl, don't be laggin' behind. Don't want to go into this thing blind."

River walked faster, catching up with the group easily. They entered the darkened building and stopped, allowing River to get her bearings.

She looked at the captain, "They're waiting just down the hall. Three of them, two men and a woman."

Mal nodded, "Okay people, let's get this thing movin'"

When they reached the end of the hallway, they paused again, Mal looking at River. She nodded her head, "It's calm."

Mal knocked on the door and waited for a response.

A woman's voice called out, "_Quing jin."_

River took a deep breath and steeled herself for the onslaught of thoughts and feelings that waited for her as the stepped into the room. They'd done this countless times in the last few months, and although it could be uncomfortable, it had become more of an annoyance than anything else. She stood placidly behind Jayne's right shoulder, becoming part of the background. She'd stopped listening to the conversations long ago. She found the words distracting. She let her eyes glaze over and let her body sway with the eddies of emotion swirling in the air around her. Her eyes drifted closed as she picked her way through the maze of energy. She quickly weeded out those belonging to her fellow crewmates and settled on the energies of the three people seated at the table in front of the captain.

She prodded and poked, twisted and floated, riding as wave after wave hit her. Moments later she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard a familiar voice in her ear, "Hey Crazy, we're done here, you comin' or what?"

She opened her eyes and blinked. Without replying she turned and walked back down the hallway and into the night air. Her body was on fire, singing with residual energy. She waited as the others gathered around her.

"Well albatross, what's the word? We gonna' be able to deal with these folk?" Mal asked.

River forced her mind to focus, quickly regaining control and she nodded, "There isn't anything wrong here, just a simple drop off world. I saw no deceit."

"Well, that's mighty nice to hear. We're gonna see some nice coin out of this deal."

As River moved toward the mule she felt the familiar energy of the large merc move in behind her and she knew he meant to help her climb in, she turned toward him, "_Bu, qing,_ I can do it myself." With her system still recovering from it's recent overload, she knew she couldn't handle him touching her again. She saw a brief flash of uncertainty flash in his eyes before she turned away and began climbing into the mule.

Jayne dropped his hands to his sides, a peculiar feeling of dissatisfaction settling in his mind. They'd settled into a routine since the _feng le_ little pilot had become a regular member of the team, and he'd gotten used to it. Now she couldn't stand to have him touch her? _"Well who in ruttin' hell cares,"_ he thought, draggin' himself out of his thoughts. He moved around to the other side of the mule and jumped in. He settled himself in his seat and waited for the others to get set down. He watched as River swung one leg over the side and then watched in horror as her mouth opened and where a scream should have been, there was silence as she tumbled back to the ground.

"_Tsao gao,_" he hollered as he leapt to the ground. He reached her just as Mal did, but he was slightly faster, scooping her up into his arms. He reached over the side of the mule and set her down as gently as he could before he climbed in next to her, wrapping one arm protectively around her, "We need to get her back to her brother, somethin' ain't right. She never does this. Ain't gone off her rocker like that in months."

Mal pushed the mule into high gear and sped off toward Serenity, concern marring his face. He'd known it would happen sooner or later, known she'd lose it again, he'd just been prayin' it would be the later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **_ These first couple of chapter's may move a little slower than normal, but I hope you'll tough it out. I have plans for our intrepid couple, they just have to get through a few hurdles first. _

_While writing this chapter, I listened to Suzanne Vegas "Small Blue Thing" a lot. It makes me think of how River must feel. _

**Chapter 2**

"_I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe_

As Mal sped toward Serenity, guiding the mule through the crowds around tightly packed buildings, Jayne spoke into his com, trying to sound calm, "Kaylee, you there girl?"

A few seconds later he heard the mechanic's voice in his ear, "Yeah Jayne, what'cha need?"

"I need you to get the Doc and meet us in the cargo bay, we're comin in now and he's gonna wanna be there."

There was a pause before Kaylee spoke again, "Oh _lao tian bu_, it's River ain't it?"

Jayne could hear the quiver in the mechanics voice and knew she was about to make the situation worse by gettin that boyfriend of her's all worked up before they even got there. He pushed a hard edge into his voice, "Gorammit Kaylee, this here ain't the time for gettin all teary and such, you just get that boy down to the bay and keep him calm, _dong ma_?

"_Wo dong_," came the reply, still shaky, but no tears yet. Jayne took that as a good sign she wasn't gonna go rushin all teary like to the Doc and get his panties in a bunch before they even got there.

He disconnected the com link and hollered against the wind, "Dammit Mal, cain't this pile of _go se_ go no faster?"

oOo

"What in the hell happened out there?" Simon asked, as Jayne handed River down to rushed to his sister's side and felt her pulse, "When you left tonight, River was fine and you bring her back comatose?"

"Doc, I got no way of explain' what happened out there. One minute she was fine and then your little sis just went all _feng le_ on us. Started screamin' about her soul bein' seared or some such craziness and just collapsed," Mal replied as he walked rapidly to the infirmary.

Simon waited as the captain laid River gently on the med table, "She's been fine. No outbursts, no dissassication," he said looking accusingly at Jayne, "Something had to have happened."

Jayne felt anger building, "Look you prissy little..." his words faded as Mal shot him a stern look. He scowled down at his boots, "No one did nothin' to her, she just went all white and started hollerin'. Got her back here quick as we could."

Simon blew a puff of air out, calming a bit. He looked over his shoulder and said grudgingly, "I'm sorry, that was unfair." He turned his attention back to his sister before he could see the look of astonishment that passed over the other man's face. He carefully lifted first one eyelid and then the other, shining a light into each. "Her pupils are reactive and her breathing is steady, I can't see any physical reason for her to be like this."

"Well maybe she just finally went right on into full blown crazy," Jayne said.

Zoe spoke up, "Sir, I think it'd be best we continue this conversation elsewhere. Huddled around this little room is bound to get tempers a little high.."

Mal nodded in agreement, "Let's take this to the dining area," he said, ducking through the door and moving off, "We gotta decide how we're gonna handle this development.

The others followed quietly, with Jayne leaving last. He threw a look over his shoulder as he left the room. She looked so small and pale just lying there. It bothered him, but he couldn't for the life of him say why.

oOo

River opened her eyes and swallowed hard against the sudden wave of nausea that assailed her. Instantly she recognized the smell, knew where she was. The infirmary. "_Ta me da_," she whispered to herself. They thought she'd lost it again. A second wave of nausea hit her and she knew her brother had doped her, "_Wu de tyen ah._" She pushed herself up on her elbows and gingerly swung her legs over the side of the med table, her head swimming with the effects of whatever Simon had given her. "_At least they didn't strap me down this time,_" she thought cynically.

She looked around the small room and was surprised to find herself alone. Gripping the side of the table as she slid to the floor, River stood still until the dizziness passed. She ran her fingers through her hair and tried to remember what had happened. Trying to find the memories through the haze the drugs induced was difficult and her head started to throb. The memories came to her in flashes. She remembered the meet, remembered telling Jayne she could get into the mule alone, but then..."_But then what?_ she thought furiously. She could feel something at the edge of her mind, but the _zao gao _drugs wouldn't let her focus.

River shook her head, trying to shake loose the cobwebs, as she moved across the room toward the door. Tentatively she reached out, hoping that they hadn't thought to lock her in. To her relief the door slid open easily. She looked out into the common room to make sure no one was on guard duty and then slipped silently to her room. She closed the door and sat on her bed, resting her arms on her thighs to support her aching head. She tried again to focus on the events of the night, finding it easier now that she was away from the antiseptic smell of the infirmary. She pushed through the haze of the drugs and pushed herself, opening her mind as wide as she dared. The memory slammed into her with a force that knocked her onto her back. She gasped, there had been energy. A wave of psychic energy like she'd never felt before and it had ripped through her mind leaving her blind and panicking.

River opened her senses to their full extent, desperate now to pull the memory fully from her mind. Suddenly she felt it, a slight pulse beneath her skin. It tingled and pulled at her, calling to her in a way she would never be able to describe. At the fringes of her mind she could hear whispering, ghosts of voices, pulling at her.

She stood up quickly, her head reeling and left her room at a run. Mindless of any noise she might make she darted to the hatch above the crew quarters and climbed the ladder, twisting the handle until she heard it hiss open. Pulling herself through the opening, she crawled out onto Serenity's hull, the metal cold beneath her feet shocking her back into reality briefly. She looked around her and saw the night sky awash with color. As she walked to the edge of the ship and closed her eye and inhaled deeply the night wind blowing over her bare skin. With her sense fully open she felt the pulse within her quicken. The tendrils of psychic energy began pushing themselves into her. She braced her feet shoulder width apart, preparing herself for the blinding panic she'd felt earlier to grip her, willing to face it again if it helped explain what it was she was sensing.

When the waved of energy continued to surge through her and no panic set in, River began to relax. She could taste it on the wind now, like electricity in the air. The whispers grew louder, singing through her and she smiled, losing herself to the sound.

oOo

Jayne sat in the corner of the room and listened as the others disscussed what to do about River. He told himself he didn't really care what happened. He'd said long ago that they needed to be shed of that crazy girl. After Miranda, after she'd gone all quiet, he'd started to think she might be some kind of useful, but if she was gonna start gettin all weird again, well, he might just have to re-think that.

Somewhere in the middle of his musings, Jayne thought he heard footsteps in the passage sat up straighter, trying to hear more. When he couldn't pick out any clear sounds over all the voices in the room so he stood up and walked to the doorway, looking over his shoulder and saying, "_Ni men dou bi zui_," he snarled, "man cain't hear himself think with all that gorram noise."

Mal turned to look at his hired gun, "You forgettin' who's in charge here? Or you just suddenly got yourself a powerful urge to leave this boat?"

Jayne pulled a face and said, "I ain't got no ruttin' urges to do nothin', but there's someone.." he stopped talking as he heard the familiar sound of a hatch hissing open, "_Zhen dao mei_" he said under his breath, "Mal, we got problems, there's someone tryin to get off this boat."

Mal moved across the room, following Jayne into the passageway. He hollered over his shoulder as he went, "Doc, you best go look in on that sister of yours."

oOo

Jayne stopped under the open hatch and looked up. He pulled Betty out of her holser and started up the ladder. He could hear Mal close behind him, but his mind was focused on dealing with whatever threat waited for him on Serenity's hull. What he saw when he stood up made his blood run cold.

River stood precariously close the edge of the hull, arms out stretched, head thrown back. The loose, white gown Kaylee and Inara had changed her into billowed out behind her. Her hair blew around her like a thin black cloud.

As Mal climbed out onto the hull, Jayne stopped him with his arm, jerking his head in River's direction, "I'm thinkin' it might not be a good idea to startle her at this particular juncture."

Mal stood, dumbfounded, at the sigt of his pilot standing so close the Serenit's edge. He felt his throat go dry. He slid back down the ladder and ran for the infirmary, hollering for Simon as he went, "Doc, you best get yourself up to the top of the boat, looks like your sister's decided she don't want to be among the livin' no more."

oOo

River was reveling in the sounds and feelings washing over her, oblivious to the panic she was causing," So brilliant, like the air is alive." Her body felt like it was floating, peace settled on her and she breathed it in. In the years since the Academy, her mind had been ravaged by the constant barrage of thoughts and emotions of others. Fear and pain mingling with lust and laughter. It had drained her, left her a dry husk. Now, she felt whole, alone with her own mind for the first time since she was fifteen. She took a step forward, trying to get closer to the light swirling around her.

Jayne felt his breath catch in his chest as he watched River slid one foot closer to the edge of Serenity's hull. He could hear the others running up the passageway below him, but he knew they'd arrive to late. Slamming Betty back into her holster, he sprinted across the hull, grabbing River around the waist and jerking her backwards just before her feet slipped over the edge.

They hit the cold metal with a resounding thud, knocking the air out of Jayne. He clutched River's small frame tightly to him, his arm securly in place around her. She began to fight him then, screaming and scratching at his arm.

River could feel her body getting lighter and thought this was surely what Heaven was meant to be. _"Who are you? What is this?" _she thought, _"Why can I feel you, but not sense where you are?" _ The reply floated toward her on the lights...and then there was blackness. Sudden and engulfing, it tore her back from the edge, her body slamming with full force into reality again. With her mind still wide open, the thoughts of the entire city tore into her. Her mind exploded with pain and she heard herself scream. She could hear someone calling her name, could almost feel a familiar energy, but the pain and the loss of the peace she had found was to great. She felt a needle slide into her arm and fought passing out. As the drug induced fog covered her she cried out, "_Jui ming qing."_

As River went limp in his arms, Jayne felt a sudden wave of nausea grip his insides, "What in the ruttin' hell was that Doc? Your sisters been _feng le_ since you got on this boat, but she ain't never tried to off herself before."

oOo

Ophelia Varga opened her eyes and stood up. She walked out onto the private balcony overlooking the club she owned. She stood still and waited until Jerimiah looked up at her. _There's a girl on Morpheus, she's one of the damaged ones. I felt her, was trying to guide her to us, but then she was pulled away. I believe she may be in danger. _

With an almost imperceptible nod he moved through the club to a small group of people standing at the crowds edge. Ophelia watched as they all moved out of the club and into the night. She just hoped they would be able to find the girl before any harm came to her. So many of them had already been lost.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **_This is a short chapter. Just a little introduction to Ophelia and her little group. I appreciate all of you that have been reading this and thanks to the couple of reviewers I've had. I hope as I continue the story, more of you will weigh in. Like I said, this is my first Firefly fic and I'd like to hear more from those of you who've written them, or read them, it can only help me write a better story._

**Chapter 3**

Jayne stood in the doorway of the infirmary and watched the labored breathing of the girl on the med-table. Images flashed through his mind. A frightened child tumbling naked from a crate. A wild-eyed girl slashing him with a knife. A warrior, chest heaving, standing over her fallen foes.

He ran one hand along the line of his jaw. It bothered him more than a little that he couldn't stop watching her. Irked him somethin' powerful. Sure, he'd gotten used to having her and that uppity brother of hers around, didn't mean he liked 'em any better. Had more respect for 'em now. Maybe even thought of them as part of the crew.

Up on the hull tonight, he'd been sure he was gonna be watching her take a swan dive. He could see bruises beginning on her arms where he'd grabbed and held her while her brother had doped her. It made him a little sick to his stomach seeing the ugly purple marks on her white skin. She'd been so calm until he touched her, then she'd fought like a banshee. Absently, he rubbed his fingers against the angry red marks on his arm where her fingernails had torn into his skin. She'd been like a wild thing, like the girl she was when she'd first come to Serenity.

Jayne could hear the whispered voices of the others coming from the galley. He knew they were all concerned about River, all wondering the same thing as him. What the hell made her go bat-shit tonight?

oOo

Jerimiah Stone moved languidly through the dark. His senses were open and he could feel tendrils of energy slithering out from the darkened corners of the city. Fear, lust, anger, pleasure. He ignored them all, they weren't what he was looking for. He was searching for something less tangible, more visceral.

_Phelia? You sure she's still here? I can't find a damn thing. All I'm seeing is the usual sludge that comes out of this part of town. _

_I know what I felt. I was right about you, wasn't I? _

Jeremiah laughed, drawing looks from his companions. He should have known better. In the years he'd been with Ophelia, he'd learned one thing, not to question. When she'd found him he'd been half-starved and feral. His mind a maze of pain and insanity. She'd brought him back from the brink, taught him to control the raging noise in his mind.

Looking over one shoulder, he called out to the woman standing on his left, "Tara? You picking anything up? Come on girl, help me out here."

The woman, tall and slender, raised one eyebrow and grinned, "What's the matter Wonder Boy? Super powers not working tonight?"

"Well, you know, he was making eyes with that little red-head right before we got pulled out. Maybe he jus' ain't thinkin' with the right head."

Tara laughed, "Now Matthias, that sounds more like you. Always can count on you to pick up on the.."her voice trailed off as they rounded the corner, "Now isn't that interesting?" she said as she moved to stand in front of a run down building.

Jeremiah scanned the area, quickly picking up what Tara was seeing, "Well I'll be damned." There in the dirt, mixing with the other psychic vapor was the unmistakable vibration of a talent. A pretty powerful one, too. "Mattias, you seeing this."

"Sure thing boss, got a bead on it," came the reply followed by a low whistle, "Damn, this girl is all over the place. Spiking out of control."

_Phelia, we got a trail. Just outside of the Phang Brothers old place. Big ass spike, too. Looks like she had 'em running wide open._

Back in her room above the club, Ophelia grimaced. _Where did she go? Can you tell?_

"Tara, can you track her?"

The woman's eyebrow shot up again, "Seriously? Girl left a trail through the street like she was bleeding out. An initiate could track this girl."

_She probably was bleeding out Jeremiah. Earlier tonight I was speaking to the council, there was a spike. I think she may have..._

Jeremiah winced. Ophelia didn't have to finish the thought, he knew what could happen to one of them if they accidentally ran into the psychic energy of one elder, let alone the whole damn council.

"Okay people, we gotta find this girl now. She's probably already slipped into a dissociative fugue and if we don't get to her soon, she's going to go over the damn edge."

The other two trackers nodded, indicating they understood the seriousness of the situation. Silently, they moved away from the building and began following the girl's trail toward the docks.

oOo

Jayne couldn't sleep. He turned in his bed, trying to find a comfortable position. Something was off. Something just wasn't settin' right in his mind. He kept going over it, trying to find what they'd missed, trying to see what might have set River off, but there just wasn't anything. Nothin' he could put a name on anyway. _Ain't gonna do no one any good if you're blown in the mornin' Cobb, _ he thought, _Gotta' let it go. Girl ain't your concern anyhow. _ He flipped onto his back and closed his eyes trying to let go of the image of their pilot lyin' in that sterile room lookin' like a ghost. Eventually his breath evened out and he slipped into an uneasy rest.

oOo

Jeremiah stood in the shadows, looking at the ship in front of him. It was quiet now, as the city had drifted to sleep, the energies around them had settled. It was his favorite time, he could relax his guard a little without being buffeted by the constant barrage of thoughts and emotions streaming from the people around him.

_We found it Phelia. Firefly class ship called Serenity. The girls trail ends here. It's likely she's being kept inside. _

_Can you retrieve her?_

A second voice entered his mind, Mattais.

_We'd need Catorina and Mikal. Even if we got in undetected, I can feel someone inside that's connected to her. The minute we moved her, we'd run the risk of detection._

_It's your call Phelia. Do we go in?_

Ophelia thought for a moment before replying, _No, we wait. Get back here, I need to do some research._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: **_This chapter is meant to bridge two parts of the story. It may not be as detailed, but it sets the scene for what comes next. Thank you to everyone for reading and special thanks to those of you who have taken the time to comment. I've noticed a few typos and will try to get them fixed this weekend. _

**Chapter 4**

Jayne put the last of the crates on the floor in the cargo bay and walked back down the ramp to where Mal and Zoe were standing with the woman from the meet, Matilda somthin' or other. He stepped closer to Mal and said under his breath, "You happen to notice the audience we been gatherin?"

Mal nodded slightly, "Yeah, all them folks are enough to make a man nervous. I was jut about to ask our new friend here about all this unwelcome attention." He raised one eyebrow and looked at Matilda, "You famous?"

The woman through her head back and laughed loudly, "Nah, them's just Thrashers. They come down to the docks everyday, just standing around, staring at the ships. Never cause any harm." She slapped Mal on the back, "Now, we all right and tight?"

"We'll have your goods to Helios inside of a week, be back with your take in about two, just like we promised."

Matilda grinned again, "Good, good...gotta say, it's mighty nice doing business with folk you can trust."

Jayne snorted and turned to go back into Serenity. He stopped short when he saw River standing at the top of the ramp. She was staring at the group of kids who had gathered, swaying slightly like she could hear music from somewhere. He walked slowly up the ramp toward her, stopping by her side.

Her hair, usually shiny and well kept, was hanging loose and limp around her face. Her skin was paler than usual and when he looked in her eyes they were vacant, like she wasn't quite there. "Ah, hell, that brother of yours has ya' doped to the gills again, don't he?" he asked, laying one large hand on her shoulder, "Come on, we best get you back inside 'fore the captain sees ya."

River didn't respond, she simply let him turn her around and began following him back into the ship. A few feet in though and she stopped abruptly. She turned back toward the open ramp, swaying once again, "There was so much light," was all she said before turning around again.

"_Well, shit, she's gone back to talkin' crazy. To bad, too. Was just getting' used to havin' her around."_ Jayne thought, making a mental note to go and talk to the doc. He'd wanna know his sister was back to spoutin' nonsense.

He steered through the common area to the infirmary. Simon stood inside, putting away the supplies they had picked up on Morpheus.

Jayne cleared his throat, "Hey Doc, found your sister wanderin' around the cargo bay. Thought maybe she ought to be here."

Simon turned, a strange look on his face, "Thank you," he managed to say as he wrapped an arm around River's shoulder, "That was very," he paused, "ummm...thoughtful of you."

Jayne shrugged, but didn't comment. He knew what the doctor thought of him. Most times he didn't go to far out of his way to correct him, just simpler that way. People think you care, they can be no end of trouble, "Well, don't get your panties in a twist about it," he said as he left the small, white room, "If I'd a let her get hurt, Mal'd have my ass."

oOo

Jeremiah stood on the balcony overlooking the now empty club. When he heard Ophelia behind him, he turned, "Anything?"

"The ship is scheduled to leave this afternoon, headed for Helios. Apparently they're smugglers. My sources say they have dealings with Matilda and her lot."

"If they're leaving that soon, we need to move.."

Ophelia held up one hand, "Stop Jeremiah. I know you want to go in and rescue the girl, but I think we should make sure she needs rescuing first."

" You weren't there last night Ophelia. You didn't see the vapor trail she left behind."

"You also said you felt someone with a connection to her. She may have suffered a temporary break because of contact with the barrier last night, but we don't even know who this girl is or if she's one of you, she may simply be a novice, testing her abilities."

Jeremiah ran one hand through his hair, his eyes hardening, "You don't believe that anymore than I do. Why won't you let me take the others and pull her out of there?"

Ophelia sighed, she had hoped he would simply accept her decision to wait. She should have known better, "My sources tell me they will be returning to Morpheus in two weeks time. When they return, we'll deal with the situation. Just let it go for now Jeremiah, please."

As he watched her walk away, Jeremiah fought with himself. He wanted to take Tara and the others and pull the girl from that ship, make sure they weren't hurting her, or worse, using her. But he owed Ophelia to much to go against her wishes now.

oOo

River sat with her back pressed into the corner, knees drawn close to her chest. There were drawings on the wall, small items lined shelves. A hairbrush, a barrette, a small glass kitten...they belonged to her. She knew they belonged to her, but she couldn't remember why they were important.

She could hear someone talking outside of the door, but she found it hard to connect the sound with a face or a name. When she tried to move, her body felt heavy and sluggish. _I've been drugged. _ Why had they drugged her? Fear made it hard to breathe as she tried desperately to remember how she got here. The more she tried to focus, the more her head hurt.

She looked up when the door to the room she was in swung open. A man stood in the doorway, a syringe in one hand, a concerned look on his face, "River?" he said.

She slid up the wall slowly as he entered the room, walking slowly toward her. As he got closer, she tried to move around him in an effort to keep space between them.

"Why did you take away my mind?" she said.

"River, _ mei mei, _it's me, Simon."

She shook her head, "Simon." she said as she continued to move. Her eyes dropped to the syringe and then went back to his face, "What are you going to do with that?"

Simon looked down at the syringe, "It's medicine River. You had an episode last night, I need to make sure you stay calm for a while."

She shook her head, "_Bu,buyao darao wo_,"

The man stopped moving and held one hand up, "River, you need to calm down, _dong ma? _It's going to be.."

She never heard the rest of his sentence as she bolted past him to the open door. She heard him holler, but she didn't stop. Once outside she scanned her surroundings as she ran, her mind calculating possible escape routes.

"_Ta me da_," Simon said as he took off after River. He had hoped that he would be able to give her the shot before she woke up. He wanted to keep her sedated while he tried to figure out what caused her break with reality last night. She'd been doing so well, he'd allowed himself to hope that the worst was behind them. Last night had brought the ugly truth rushing back to him. His sister would never be normal again.

River ducked into the cargo bay and crouched behind a stack of crates. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her head was throbbing. As she hid, she tried to gather her thoughts. Things came to her in flashes, like watching vid on the cortex.

She was jolted from her thoughts by the sounds of footsteps on the metal floor.

"River? It's okay hun, come on out, Simon ain't gonna hurt ya none."

A woman's voice, River concentrated, Kaylee...that was Kaylee.

She peered around the edge of the crates. Standing a few feet away from her were Simon, Kaylee...she closed her eyes and focused...the captain and Zoe. No one was moving, they all stood perfectly still, scanning the area.

"Doc, she ain't gonna come poppin' out and try to kill us is she?"

River watched Simon roll his eyes, "No. She's disoriented and confused. After what she's been through it's to be expected. We just need to find her so I can get her sedated again."

The fear rushed back to River. She wasn't sure why, but she knew she couldn't let him drug her again. Making her decision quickly, she bolted from behind the crates and dashed through the door, heading toward the cockpit. She knew if she could get in there, she could lock them out. Keep them away from her until she'd had a chance to clear her mind.

She rushed through the doorway of the galley and slammed headlong into a solid wall. She fell backwards onto the floor, the breath knocked out of her lungs.

Jayne looked down at the girl lying in a heap on the galley floor, "What the gorram hell are you doing? Runnin' through the ship like some _feng le _wild child." He reached out to grasp her hand and pull her up, but she scrambled back across the floor, her face clouded by fear.

"Whoa, what's goin' on? What happened?"

River shook her head, "_Jui ming. Wo meiyou zoucuo shi."_

Jayne sank down to crouch in front of her, "No one said nothin' about you bein' in trouble. Sure you went a little off yer rocker last night, but hell, that ain't nothin' new." He held out his hand again, "Now come on and get off that floor before you catch a gorram cold. We'll take you back to ..."

River shrieked and skidded backwards again, "No. No more needles, no drugs, they steal the light, make everything dead," she said, rubbing furiously at her brow.

Jayne held up his hands, "Okay, damn girl, calm down." _Ruttin' stupid fool. Been prickin' her with all those needles again, _he thought. He looked more closely at River then, noticing her shivering. Her face was still pale and drawn, _Ah hell, she's scared out of her gorram mind._

Before she had a chance to slide any further away from him, he reached out and grabbed her. She started struggling immediately, but he wrapped his thickly muscled arms around her chest and held her tight. Her skin was cold and she was shaking hard. He turned her in his arms without letting go of her and stood up. He moved to the couch and sank down with her still struggling against his hold.

"Stop it. I ain't gonna hurt you and I sure as hell ain't takin' ya back to that pansy ass brother of yers. So, just calm down."

River stopped battling against him, whispering into his chest, "No needles?"

Jayne dropped his head onto the back of the couch, "_Now how the hell did you wind up here Cobb. Holdin' this moon brained girl on your lap, comfortin' her like a scared dog." _Out loud he said, "No needles."

At that moment Simon and the others burst into the galley and began moving across the room toward them. River began to shake in his arms again and Jayne suddenly felt himself getting powerful pissed.

"Well look here Zoe, looks like Jayne caught our runaway pilot."

"Sure does, sir. I guess keeping him around wasn't such a bad idea after all."

Jayne sneered at them both, "Didn't catch anyone, she just sort of landed on me is all."

Simon moved closer, "Just hold her still and I'll..."

Jayne stood up quickly, unfolding to his full height, towering over the shorter man. He set River on her feet and pushed her behind him, "Now Doc, I'm gonna say this to ya' just one time, so you need to pay real careful attention. You come near her with that thing and I'm liable to rip your scrawny little arms off and beat ya' to death with them.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: ** I want to thank all of you who continue to read this story. It has quickly become one of my favorite pieces and I look forward to sharing all the twists and turns with you. Things are going to get a bit dark for the next couple of chapters, so be warned. _

**Chapter 5**

_Is there no way out of the mind? -Sylvia Plath_

If someone had asked Jayne at that moment why he'd suddenly to go on the defensive on behalf of River, he wouldn't have had an answer to give them. Truth was, he didn't rightly know himself. Seeing the Doc headed toward that scared little girl with a needle had just set something off inside of him. On Ariel he'd listened to Simon talk about what they'd done to her brain, about how she couldn't not feel everything around her. He remembered that day, crystal clear like, stuck in his brain.

He knew no one thought her really paid attention, but he did.

He also remembered how that same girl had saved all their asses from Reavers. He'd thought he was gonna meet his maker that day, but she tore through them like weren't nothing and come out on the other end. He'd half expected her to go completely off her nut after that. Instead, she'd turned all quiet.

Yesterday she'd been like she was when her and her brother came on board, screaming, clawing, spouting nonsense. He knew how to deal with that. But tonight, tonight he'd seen something in her eyes he'd never seen before...terror. He'd heard his ma's voice in his ear, "_What kind of man did I raise, c'ain't help a little girl?"_

That's when he'd made his decision. Jayne Cobb was a lot of things, most of them unsavory, but he wasn't one to sit around and watch while people terrified a little girl. No ruttin' way.

Now, standing over the doctor, glaring at him, he felt River's hands grab onto his shirt, pulling the material into her fists. She was still shakin'.

He looked away from the doctor then, fixing his gaze on Mal, "Now I know what you're gonna say Mal, but it ain't going to change nothin'. So, if you want ta keep your medic, you best tell him to walk away."

Mal looked from Simon to Jayne and back before he spoke, "What would be your thoughts on this Zoe?"

"Well sir, I'm not real sure what to say. Never seen Jayne do something that didn't earn him a reward. Don't know quite how to deal with it," the woman replied, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"I'm inclined to agree, it is a sight to behold," he turned toward Simon, "Doc, I think..."

Simon interrupted him, "You can't possibly be thinking of..."

Mal held up one hand, "Ain't about what I'm thinking, it's about what the very large man standing in front of your sister is thinking. And I'm bettin' he means to beat you a good bit if you try to get near her with that needle."

Simon opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it when he felt a small hand on his arm.

"Simon, let's just leave them be a bit," Kaylee whispered, "Ain't gonna hurt nothin' to let her calm down a bit. Jayne won't let nothin' happen to her."

Simon dropped his head and shook it, knowing he was defeated. When he looked back up, his eyes were shadowed. He looked at Jayne, "She needs medical attention. I'm not going to..." he spun on his heels and left the galley without finishing his sentence.

As soon as Simon left the room, Jayne felt River relax her grip on his shirt. He watched Kaylee hurry after the Doc and found himself feeling sorta sorry for the guy.

"You know, he didn't mean ya no real harm. Any idiot could see that," he said without turning around.

"Intentions and reality are often two different things," she said in return.

Jayne stepped away from her a little and looked at Mal, "You gonna hold this against me?"

"I don't see that much harm was done, 'cept to the doctor's pride," Mal said, "But the way I'm seein' it, you're responsible for her until we get to Helios," he added as he headed to the cockpit, "And Jayne?'

"Yeah Mal?"

"I'd like it if you could get my pilot to do her damn job."

oOo

Jayne ran a hand down his face and closed his eyes, "_What in the ruttin' hell did you just sign up for Cobb?_"

He was pulled from his thoughts by a small voice behind him, "I'm not crazy you know."

Jayne turned. River was perched on the edge of the couch, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"I've never been crazy," she said.

"Well, you sure do a gorram good job makin' believe then," Jayne joked.

River looked away from him and he suddenly felt like an ass. He started to say something else, but she cut him off.

"There were so many lights," she said, her voice turning to a whisper, "It was warm and calm and everything was beautiful...and then it was just gone. It hurt my soul."

Jayne sank down onto the couch next to her and pulled her to him, wrapping one well-muscled arm around her shoulders, "I ain't even gonna pretend to know what the hell you're talkin' about girl, but I know fear when I see it. Seen it on plenty of faces in my life. "

River tilted her face up so she could look at him, "It's very strange to me, that you would be the one to help me." Her face screwed up as she thought about it, "Why did you do what you did?"

"Can't say I rightly know. Just know my ma would've skinned me for leaving you like that."

He pulled his arm away from her and stood up. River suddenly felt cold again. She grasped his hand when he held it out.

"Come on, let's get you settled in so you can get some sleep, you don't show up for duty in the morning, Mal's gonna come looking for me to explain why."

River followed quietly behind Jayne as he walked her to her room. He pushed open the door and looked in, "All clear. You go on in and get some sleep."

As he turned to go, River grabbed his wrist, "If you leave, he will try to..."

Jayne gently pried her hand from his wrist, "You're brother is a lot of things, but he ain't stupid. He knows what'd happen if I find out he came in here and drugged you."

River relaxed a bit and nodded her head. She stepped into her room and closed the door, leaving Jayne alone in the corridor.

oOo

The days that followed began to blend together for River. As soon as the drugs had cleared her system, it became possible for her to put the mask of calm back on. She moved through the day smiling in all the right places, nodding when spoken too, eating, sleeping, working. She pretended not to notice the surreptitious glances the crew gave her. She pretended not to see her brother having whispered conversations with the captain. She pretended.

Since that night, she had dampened her senses as much as she could, blocking out as much of the background noise as she could. It left her emotionally and physically drained at the end of the day. The only time she found any respite was at night, in the cockpit after everyone else had gone to sleep. She could still feel them as they dreamed, but they were easier to block.

She would monitor Serenity and stare out into the black. Alone in those moments, she would allow her mind to drift. She could still feel the energy she had encountered in her body, like a memory she couldn't quite recall. It made her feel empty and alone when she had to draw herself back to reality and each night, it became harder and harder to find her way back.

She found that every time she emerged from her wandering, she felt a little colder, a little less connected to herself and her surroundings. She would look down at her hands and they felt lifeless, like they belonged to someone else. She felt the black outside of Serenity's windows clinging to her like shroud.

River thought briefly about talking to someone about her feelings, but quickly discarded the idea. All the scenarios ended with Simon trying to drug her into a state of docile silence again. Kaylee trusted Simon with unwavering certainty, Inara would talk to Mal out of concern, which would lead to him telling Simon to keep her "under control", even Jayne wasn't an option despite his recent defense of her. He would be more concerned about his own safety than keeping her secret. And so she carried it with her, slipping through her days alone.

oOo

Jayne sat up on the weight bench and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the towel around his neck. Wasn't much to do out in the black and he wasn't really one for "together" time. So, while the others passed the time talking or playing cards, he tended to keep to himself, working out, cleaning his guns, or just hiding in his bunk. It kept people from trying to draw him into personal conversations and helped him keep his bad-tempered merc image intact.

As he stood to head back to his bunk he saw River wander into the cargo bay. Her face held that far-away look she had all the time now. It was like she was thinkin' on some big problem and just hadn't been able to find the answer she wanted. Jayne had been watching her since the night he'd stopped her brother from pumpin' her full of more drugs. Lookin' for signs she was gonna go all bat-shit on them again.

On the outside, she looked fine. Hair brushed, clothes on straight, flyin' without missin' a beat, but underneath it...He couldn't really explain what was wrong, but it sure felt like something was off. It took him a moment of fightin' with himself before he called out, "Hey crazy," he said, falling back on the old nick-name, "Ain't you supposed to be flyin' this thing?"

When she didn't pause or look at him, Jayne walked to where she was standing, leaning against one of the metal poles that supported the catwalk above. When he reached her side, he laid a hand on her shoulder and suddenly found himself staring at the ceiling, trying to suck air into his lungs.

He coughed and snarled up at her, "Gorramit girl! What the hell was that for?"

River blinked her eyes a couple of times and looked down at him, "Jayne?" she said, looking a little confused.

Jayne stood up his face creasing with sudden concern, "River, you havin' another one of them flashback things your brother is always carryin' on about?"

River shook her head slightly, "It's so cold in here, isn't it? I hadn't noticed it before, but it's very cold in here today."

Before he could answer her, she turned and walked slowly away, her movements were as graceful as ever. He'd never admit it, but he'd always liked watching her move. Everything she did had a purpose. The way she trailed her fingers over things, like she was looking for imperfections. The way she sometimes pointed her bare feet when she stepped over something, making slow, exacting contact with the surface on the underside. Watching her move was almost erotic.

The thought jolted Jayne out of his reverie. _Now where the ruttin' hell did that come from? Ain't nothin' erotic about a skinny crazy girl, _he told himself. _Yeah, you just keep tellin' yourself that Cobb, just keep repeatin' it so you don't forget it._


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **_When I originally did the copy/paste of this chapter, the last paragraph didn't get transferred. I've added it now. _

**Chapter 6**

_Only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit._

_-Chuck Palahniuk_

By the time Serenity reached Helios five days later a quiet tension had settled over the crew. River had grown more distant each day, removing herself little by little from their daily lives.

River was standing outside of the ship, leaning against the hull with her face tilted to the sun, her eyes closed as she soaked in the suns rays. Jayne watched her for a few moments before approaching her. Since the day in the cargo bay, he'd kept his distance, but now, watching her soak up the sun, he was drawn to her.

As he got closer, he cleared his throat, not wanting to end up on his back in the dirt. When River dropped her head and looked at him, he felt a lopsided grin cross his lips, "You just gonna stand there all day?"

River had opened her eyes when she heard someone approaching, but she hadn't needed to look to know who it was, she'd felt his energy pressing in on her and she'd sighed. Warmth coalesced inside of her just like it always did when he was close. She tilted her head and gave a tired smile, "I thought you'd be drinking yourself into incoherence by now."

Jayne shrugged, "Mal says we'll be here until tomorrow afternoon, figure that gives me plenty of time to get in..in...shit-faced."

Despite herself, River smiled, "The others have all gone into town. Dinner, shopping," she turned and walked back up the open cargo ramp, "You'll probably find them at the local bar or cafe."

Jayne watched her retreating back for a second before heading in after her. He'd been all set to go find himself a drink and a willing woman when he'd seen her just standing in the sunlight. She had looked small and pale pressed up against the side of the ship and for reasons he didn't quite understand, he'd found himself changing directions. Now, he followed her back into the shadowed depths of the ship and wondered what the hell he was doing.

River stopped just inside the cargo bay and turned, "Did my brother send you? You got the short straw, right?"

Jayne stopped walking, brought up short by the vehemence in her voice, "Weren't no straws to draw. I just came back to get a quick shower. Figured I'd best not show up lookin' for company smellin' like a dog backside."

River nodded and began walking again. Jayne continued to follow her, having decided that a shower wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. As she stepped through the door into the common area, he saw her shiver and reach out to steady herself against the door.

Without thinking, he grabbed her arm to keep her from sliding down the wall and she jerked away from him like she'd been burned. When she looked at him, her eyes were wide, tears brimming over the edges.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, "I must have caught my foot on the edge of the door." She wiped her eyes with the back of one hand and threw him a quick smile, "Hit my toe, hurt," she finished lamely as she extracted herself from his grip, "You should go and take that shower now, you really do need one."

Jayne watched her walk away before turning and going to his bunk. He grabbed a fresh pair of pants and a shirt before heading to the showers. He let the water run over him and tried to forget the way her face had looked. Her eyes clouded with tears. It made him feel strange somehow, thinkin' about her all alone on the ship, being so sad.

He finished his shower and went looking for River.

"Girl, where the hell you hidin'?" he called out. After a few moments, he found her perched in her usual spot in the cockpit, just starin' out of the windows. He spun the chair around so she was facing him, "Look," he started, "I got no idea what's tossin' around in that head of yours makin' ya look like someone just kicked yer favorite dog, but sittin' here starin out of the windows ain't gonna make nothin' any better."

"I like it in here, it's quiet."

"Well, you can get all the quiet you want once we're back out there in the black. Right now," he said as he slid his hands under her arms and pulled her from her seat, "You and me are gonna go look for some trouble to get in."

oOo

Jayne watched River as they sat in the little cafe, wondering what was going on in her head while she actively scanned the other diners. Since leaving the ship he had noticed her face seemed less pale. He knew the others weren't gonna like him takin' her out like this, but then, he'd never really given two shakes what they thought most of the time.

"What 'cha chewin' on there crazy?" he said.

River looked at him and pulled a face, "I told you, I'm not crazy. I never was."

"If you say so beautiful," Jayne said, the endearment slipping out before he could stop it.

River's eyes widened for a moment as she registered the word before she looked down at the plate in front of her, "Currently, I am chewing on this piece of bread."

"No, you _feng le_ girl," Jayne said, "I meant what 'cha thinkin' on so hard?"

"I am wondering when _this,_" she said, indicating the cafe, "became your idea of trouble."

Jayne couldn't help himself, he threw back his head and laughed. The other patrons of the cafe looked at him, surprise registering on their faces.

"What?" Jayne snapped. "Ain't you never seen a man laugh before?"

River covered her mouth to hide the little smile burgeoning on her lips. She hadn't felt this calm in days, but she didn't want him to think she was laughing at him.

"_Guan ni zi ji de shi, _ya nosy bums," he said before turning back to River and grinning, "Well now, this here ain't so much my idea of trouble," he said, looking around the little cafe again, "Just didn't think getting' drunk and whorin' would be something you'd much like."

The fact that he'd given any thought at all to what she might enjoy made River feel very odd, but she didn't comment. The tightness in her head ahd started to ease and she found herself laughing, "As I have never had the opportunity to try either activity, how do you know I wouldn't enjoy them?" she teased. She laughed harder when a look of dismay mixed with intrigue passed over Jayne's face. She grinned widely and leaned across the table when he averted his gaze and a slight blush crept across his cheeks. "You were thinking of me naked with another woman," she said with complete certainty.

Jayne's jaw dropped open, "Now why in the gorram hell would you say somethin' like that?"

River simply tapped one finger on the side of her head, "Remember?"

"Now, you just stay out of my head, ya hear? And we're just gonna find ourselves a different topic of conversation."

River shrugged, "If that one makes you uncomfortable..."

"Hell yeah it makes me uncomfortable. _Ai ya, _little girl, it's like thinkin' 'bout my sister doin those things. Just ain't right."

River felt a twinge in her chest. He looked at her as a sister, not as a woman, "I am not your sister," she said.

"I know that, you're my friend, but still, it's just not somethin' I should be imaginin'. Makes me feel like a dirty old man, so drop it."

"I guess that leaves us with the other option then."

"Which option is that?" Jayne asked.

"Getting drunk," River replied innocently.

Jayne didn't say anything for a moment, "That's a mighty interestin' idea, but I don't see it bein' a very good one."

River cocked one eyebrow, "Ah, you are afraid of what my brother and the captain would say," she teased.

"Now hold on, I didn't say nothin' 'bout bein' afraid of no one."

River stood up, "Then it's settled, we will go and get drunk," she said as she walked out of the cafe.

Jayne tossed money onto the table and quickly followed her out into the street, "I ain't takin' you drinkin'," he said, "Not cause I'm scared, but..."

"I know," River interrupted, turning to look at him, "But it felt good to laugh for a minute. Could we walk around a bit before we return to Serenity?"

Jayne casually slung his arm around her shoulders, "Sure. Don't see the harm in it, but I ain't gonna stand around while you shop for feminine stuff."

River leaned against him for a moment, savoring his warmth, "I think you would be very much like the proverbial bull in a china shop if I were to take you into a store that specialized in feminine things," she joked. "I would simply like to walk around for a while."

They settled into a companionable silence as they walked down the sunlit streets. After a few moments River realized that there were no thoughts, no emotions, buffeting against her. Instead of the constant din of noise there was only a faint, distant hum. She allowed herself to lean against Jayne as they walked.

Jayne kept his arm around River's shoulder as they walked. He told himself it was just a way to keep the locals from tryin' to get fresh, but if he was bein' honest with himself, he was doin' it because it felt comfortable. _You just remember to keep repeatin' to yourself that she's just a crazy skinny kid, no matter how much she likes to joke around with ya._

River stopped suddenly and ducked out from under Jayne's arm, "The others are returning to Serenity. I need to go back."

Jayne frowned, "You ain't doin' nothin' wrong. You got just as much right to.."

River placed one finger against his lips, "Today was perfect and I don't want it ruined with my brother's overprotective _go se_," she said. "If I go back before they return, I can keep the memory of this day where he can't ruin it."

Before he could say anything she turned and darted up the street, leaving him standing by himself in the middle of the road.

oOo

_Three days earlier..._

Ophelia was dreading the conversation she was about to have. It had proven harder to keep the young woman connected to reality than she had thought, so she had gone to the council again. The news had not been good. When Mikal and Mattais entered the room she closed her senses off, trying to prevent them from discerning just how dire the situation was.

Mattais looked around the room, "Where's Jeremiah?"

"He won't be joining us right now, I needed to speak to the two of you first," Ophelia said.

"That bad, huh?" Mikal said.

Ophelia only nodded, "I assume Jeremiah has spoken to you about the young woman we became aware of a few nights ago?"

"He said he wanted to go in and get her, but that you told him we would wait for her ship to return to Morpheus before we acted," Mikal said, "He also mentioned that you would have needed both myself and Catorina to extricate her."

"We will need both of you, but we aren't going to wait for them to return, I'm sending you after her."

Mattais laughed, "That's why he's not here, you don't want to sit through the 'I told you so' speech."

Ophelia pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers and closed her eyes, "She's a Ferine talent," she said quietly.

"_Wo de tian a_," Mikal swore under his breath, "And you haven't told Jeremiah yet?"

Ophelia shook her head, "It's taken everything I had to keep her stable for this long, but I can feel her slipping. I had to go to the council, one of the Elders is going to try and connect with her to keep her stable, but if that doesn't work..." she let her worlds trail off.

"When were you going to tell me?"

Ophelia turned when she heard Jeremiah's voice, "You know, eavesdropping in doorways is a bad habit, moppet."

Jeremiah didn't react to her use of the pet name she had given him when he'd first arrived. He stepped farther into the room, his eyes cold, "I asked you a question."

Ophelia sighed, "I was filling Mattais and Mikal in on the situation and then I had intended to come and speak with you."

"You didn't think you should tell me that another Ferine talent had been located? Jesus Phelia, I wanted to go and get her! I could feel something was off!"

Ophelia closed the short distance between them, laying her hand on his shoulder, "I know," she said, "I was wrong. I should have listened to you, but.."

Jeremiah cut her off, "Has the Elder been able to make contact with her?"

"I believe so. It was decided to keep the contact subconscious. The level of trauma she's experienced is already high enough, having another consciousness in her waking mind without understanding why would likely make matters worse. He will stay with her until you can get her out, repairing the damage as he can, but we need to hurry."

"No shit," was all Jeremiah said as he left the room.

"Okay," Mikal said, "That went well."

Ophelia laughed, "Better than I had expected, actually. At least this time there aren't any broken mirrors. Go with him, get Tara and Catorina and get going. When you get to Helios, let me know. Elder Mithos says there is most likely a Flux on board as well, which will make getting her off the ship undetected very difficult."

"That must have been what Jeremiah felt that night," Mattais said, "What the hell is going on Phelia? A Ferine and a Flux in the same place and neither of them knows what the hell is going on? How does that even happen?"

"That's one of the things we need to find out Mattais," she said, "And I would prefer we do it before she loses all contact with reality and she bleeds herself out."

Both men nodded, they had both seen psychic bleed out before and it never ended well for anyone in the vicinity. They left the office without saying anything else.

oOo

River stood beside her bed and stared down at the package lying on top of the quilt. The paper was a dusky blue and had been carefully, if inelegantly, tied with a length of silver ribbon. She ran her fingers down the length of the package, feeling the paper crinkly beneath them. Sitting down she lifted the gift and laid it across her lap. Carefully, she untied the ribbon and held it for a moment. She could feel the residual energy on it and it made her smile. She slipped the ribbon around the rubber band holding her hair away from her face and tied it into a knot before she began peeling back the layers of blue paper.

She stared down at the knives, tracing the edges with her fingers. They were a matched set of fighting daggers, their blades glinting silver against the black leather sheaths. She had never seen anything more beautiful in her life. There note under the daggers, it simply said, "They reminded me of you."

River stood and strapped the sheaths to her legs, sliding the daggers home. She felt powerful. Her fingers caressed the hilts, the leather cool under her fingers. She walked to her door and peered out into the hallway, looking to be sure no one would see her as she slipped toward the cargo bay.

oOo

Jayne stood in the shadows of the catwalk and watched as River crept silently into the cargo bay. He'd left the daggers on her bed earlier, knowing she would find them when she came off duty. After she'd left him standing in the street, he'd decided to go find some fun that was more his style. He'd intended to head to the local bar and find himself a glass of whiskey and a woman, but he'd never made it. As he was walking he had seen the daggers in the window of a store and he'd known they were meant for her.

He had never been one for buying gee-gaws and frippery for women, but those daggers made him think of the way she moved and the power hidden under her delicate features. And so, for the first time in his life, Jayne Cobb and purchased a gift for a woman. Even more surprising to him, he'd bought it for a woman he wasn't beddin'. One of the clerks had helped him wrap them for her, but he'd waited until they were back in the black before leaving them for her to find. The look on her face now, as she handled the blades...that was the reason he'd bought 'em.

Suddenly, he felt like a peepin' tom and he moved out of the shadows, heading down the stairs so she could see him. She stopped her movements and watched him for a moment. Without warning she ran to him, rose up on her toes and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to his lips before disappearing toward her room.

His lips tingled where she'd touched them and he sat down heavily on the bottom step. He'd known a lot of women in his life, none of them had made him feel like this. It wasn't sexual, he'd felt that with plenty of women in his life. This was awe. River hadn't questioned his motives in giving her the daggers, she'd simply accepted them.

As he sat there, another feeling crept up on him, guilt. For every time he'd called her crazy or moon-brained. For every time he'd called her a threat. For his betrayal of her on Ariel. Guilt wasn't an emotion Jayne was used to. Most of his life had been spent watchin' out for himself. He'd never bothered much with worrying about the people that got in the way.

River was different. She'd forgiven him without being asked to. She simply accepted him. It left him feeling lost, which was not a feeling Jayne liked.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: **_I'm sorry it took so long to update this time, I just haven't had time to sit down and write. I appreciate all the words of support. I especially appreciate Sorcas, who has taken the time to give me valuable critiques to help make this story better. _

**Chapter 7**

"_In the world I fill up a place,which may be better supplied when I have made it empty" -William Shakespeare_

"You've got a wave comin' in sir."

Mal tossed the ball he was holding to Jayne and looked at Zoe, "Comin' from who?"

"Dock master on Helios."

Mal went to the cockpit and tapped the screen, bringing up the vid feed, "Wasn't expecting to hear from you Thomas."

"Wasn't expecting to need to call ya," the man on the screen said, "Figured you'd want to know there's been some interest in your boat since ya left yesterday."

"Really now? What kind of interest would that be?"

"Three men showed up just after you lifted off, asking about you and your crew, wantin' to know where you're headed. Asked specific questions about that little girl you got with ya."

"And where are we heading?"

"Why, I told them the truth. You're headed for Persephone, dropping a load there and then most likely headed back this way."

Mal smiled, "It's always nice to know you count on your friends to be so truthful. Nice to hear from you Thomas. You tell that wife of yours I said hello."

Disconnecting the feed, Mal turned to Zoe, "Looks like this job may have some complications we didn't foresee."

Zoe leaned against the console behind her, "Who do you think was asking after us?"

"Not sure, but I doubt they were looking to invite us for tea."

"Do we tell the others? If they think we're heading for Persephone, we'll have time to drop payment on Morpheus and get clear."

"We can't assume they believed what Thomas told them. I think it's best we be prepared for trouble when we get planet side."

oOo

Ophelia entered the shrine with measured steps. The room always made her feel at peace, no matter what troubles she was dealing with on the outside. A small fire burned in a brazier in the corner, warming the small room, illuminating the tapestry that hung behind it. She ran her hands along table where the tuning stone sat, the sleek edge cool against the fingers.

When she had first been taught to use the tuning stone, it had frightened her a little. Connecting to one mind was an overwhelming feeling, connecting to a group of minds could be staggering. As a Scholar, she was trained to connect and communicate with multiple Talents at a time. It also meant she was the one who communicated with the Elders.

Sitting down, she traced the outline of the black tuning stone, focusing her mind as she caressed it's cool contours. The stone begin to glow slightly, the light dim, but steady. Ophelia closed her eyes and let her mind drift, her senses opening and allowing the light to seep in around the corners.

She felt the touch of another mind, like a living thing, enter her mind.

_Greetings Ophelia._

_Greetings Elder Marcus. _

_The girl has stabilized, but Elder Mithos is not sure how much longer he'll be able to maintain the connection at a subliminal level. Her connection to the Flux is increasing, which has helped some, but he is concerned that there will be damage there as well if the connection isn't severed soon. He says that it requires more and more energy to repair the damage to her mind each time she sleeps. _

_Jeremiah and the others have gone after her. They shouldn't have a problem getting her off the ship._

_When do you expect them to return?_

_The ship was sent to a planet approximately five days travel from Morpheus. Jeremiah and his team left three days ago and won't reach them before they return to the Black. They plan to board the ship before it reaches Morpheus and remove the girl._

_And you believe this is a good plan?_

_I do. I trust Jeremiah and the others. If we wait until they're planet side again, we risk bringing unwanted attention to ourselves. _

_We have faith in your abilities Ophelia, and in those you lead. Keep in contact with us, we would like to know as soon as you have the girl with you. We will need to assess how damaged she is and if she can be helped. _

_I understand. _

The connection faded just as quickly as it had arrived and Ophelia exhaled sharply, trying to counteract the dizziness that swept over her. It was easier to come back from the darkness now, but it still left her slightly dazed for a few minutes. She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes again. She hoped that Jeremiah and the others were able to reach the girl in time. She couldn't stand to see another one lost to the madness.

oOo

"What we know is this. Someone is askin' a whole lot of question about us and our business, " Mal said, "They seem to be particularly interested in River. Now to my way of thinkin' that can't be a coincidence. What we're gonna need to do is figure out who they might be."

Simon stood up and began pacing, "After Miranda, after the feed went out, I thought they'd forget about coming after her."

"We don't know that it's the Academy," Zoe said.

Simon shoved his hand through his hair, his face showing his frustration, "Who else would be looking for River? Who else has a reason to want to find her?"

"Well, that's the million dollar question ain't it?" Jayne said. "If'n I were a bettin' man, I'd say it's likely someone lookin' to collect the reward."

"There ain't no reward no more," Kaylee said, "Ain't no reason for there to be."

Jayne dropped his head and looked away.

"Jayne," Mal said, "You got somethin' you'd like to share with us?"

Jayne looked at Mal, his eyes locking with the other man's, "I hear things. Can't keep trouble from finding us if you don't know where there's likely to be trouble. There's still an open bounty on the girl."

"And you never thought to share that with us?"

"Didn't seem like it was important. We been keepin a low profile and now that's she's not acting all moon brained everywhere we go, didn't seem likely we'd be drawin a lot of attention."

"Oh please," Simon said, "You think we believe that? You tried to sell her out on Ariel, you were probably planning on doing it again. How long have you been planning it? Is that why you suddenly have such an interest in keeping her "safe". You've been protecting your _investment_?" he sneered.

Jayne shot a look at River where she sat alone on the couch, and saw her face go pale. He opened his mouth to deny what Simon had accused him of, but the looks on the faces of the others stopped him. He could see they had already decided Simon was right. Without a word, he turned and stalked out of the galley.

"Captain," Kaylee said, "You can't believe Jayne was really meanin' to sell River out. Not after what we've been through."

"Can't rightly say what I believe. Seems he would have spoken up if he had pure motives, though, don't it?"

River, silent until that moment, stood up and walked to stand in front of Mal, "Reputation is an idle and most false imposition; oft got without merit, and lost without deserving," she said before she followed Jayne from the room.

A look of confusion crossed over Mal's face, "Why do I feel like I've just been scolded?"

Inara, who had chosen to refrain from joining the conversation until that moment, said, "I believe she was telling you that you have all chosen to think the worst of Jayne without having any real reason to."

oOo

River stopped in front of the hatch to Jayne's bunk. She knew he was inside, she'd heard the hatch slam shut after he climbed down. She raised her hand, intending to knock. She stood for several minutes, just staring at the hatch. Even if she did knock, what would she say. _I'm sorry, you were right and I'm a danger to everyone I love. That would be a good start. _

River lowered her hand and leaned her forehead against the cool metal of the bulkhead. She only wanted to have a normal life, or as close to normal as possible. She could see now that it was a dream. As long as she was around, everyone she cared about would be in danger. Jayne was right about her, she should have left Serenity long ago.

Sighing, she straightened away from the bulkhead and pushed the hatch to Jayne's bunk open, not bothering to knock. She knew if she knocked, he would only tell her to go away.

Jayne heard the hatch open and dropped his arm across his face, "Jesus Mal, can't a man just get some peace? You can yell at me later."

"The captain is still in the galley with the others."

Jayne moved his arm away from his eyes and propped himself up on his elbows, "I gotta admit, yer the last person I expected to see comin' in here."

River took a step into the small space, glancing around. She'd never been in Jayne's bunk before. The room suited him. It was sparsely decorated. A few pictures of half-naked women graced the wall closest to the bed. There were clothes draped over the side of the only chair in the room and the bed was rumpled. It also smelled like him. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to focus her thoughts. When she opened her eyes again, Jayne was looking at her strangely.

"I came to tell you that I understand why you didn't say anything about the bounty. Even if the others do not."

Jayne sat for a moment, "You do, huh? Well, I guess everything will be fine then," he said. He regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth. Her face was still pale and she stood near the ladder, twirling her hair between her fingers, something she did when she was anxious or nervous. He scrubbed his hand across the top of his head and stood up, "It don't bother me none, them thinkin' I was gonna sell ya out again. I earned that. I've done things I'm not proud of, but.."

River looked up, "You were right. I just wanted you to know I understand that now."

Before he could say anything else, she was scrambling up the ladder. He sat back down on his bed and scratched his head, "What the hell did that mean?"

oOo

Rivers sat with her knees pressed to her lips and stared out into the black, listening to Serenity hum in the silence. Everyone else had long since gone to bed. The threat of bounty hunters temporarily forgotten. Zoe had cried herself to sleep, clutching one of Wash's shirts. She had tried to close herself from the waves of pain, but hadn't been able to remove herself entirely. She had sobbed with each tear Zoe shed. And now she sat alone, staring into the nothing, her mind littered with the other woman's sorrow. Oddly, tonight, it felt like more of a comfort to River than a burden. The pain reminded her that she was still alive, still human, no matter how the others viewed her.

After a few more minutes River reached for the control panel and pressed a series of buttons, setting the autopilot. She left the cockpit, trailing her fingers along the familiar lines of Serenity's walls. Where they had once felt alive under her fingers, they only felt cold now. She was beginning to feel like she had before Miranda, her mind a jumble of thoughts, a tangle she could unravel.

She stopped when she reached the door to Jayne's bunk and trailed her fingers over the door again. Heat radiated from it, traveling through her body like a soothing balm. It confused her that the only place she felt connected to the world now was near Jayne. He was brash and often crude, but now she saw it was more mask than reality. He was more like her than anyone would have guessed. She dropped her hand reluctantly and continued down the hallway to her room. Stepping over the threshold she glanced around the room, the feeling of disconnection rushing over her again.

She stood in front of the small mirror on the wall next to her bed and stared at her reflection. It seemed foreign to her, like a picture of a girl she'd seen once. Logically, she knew the person she was looking at was her, but it still felt alien to her. Reaching out one hand she used her finger to trace the outline of her face. Wide eyes stared back at her from a face that seemed pale and drawn. Dark brown hair hung like a curtain framing the sharply angled face. She saw tears rolling down the cheeks and reached up to touch them.

Turning from the mirror she curled up on the bed in a tight ball and closed her eyes willing herself to sleep. She could feel it pulling at her and she wished, for a moment, that she could feel this numb all the time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **_ Don't worry, Chapter 9 will be up by tomorrow night. _

**Chapter 8**

Out in the black, time moves differently, days blending into each other without fanfare. Jeremiah liked the silence. Cities were full of people crammed together, their emotions broadcasting, even when they slept. Dreams were the worst. The unconscious mind had no filters. Lust, fear and pain ran rampant through the human psyche in the throes of sleep.

"You shouldn't sit in here alone and brood," Tara said from behind him," The whole melancholy hero thing really doesn't suit you."

He felt the gentle brush of her mind in his and smiled as he stood up, "I was just thinking."

"I know, that's why I came in here. Your thoughts were getting very dark."

Jeremiah studied the woman standing in front of him. Tall and lean, she always had an air of self-confidence about her. The tattoo that ran along the left side of her face made her blue eyes stand out and accentuated the sharp angle of her jaw. Her hair was pulled away from her face in a long braid that was currently draped over one shoulder. She was stunning, more importantly,she was the one that kept him sane.. He smiled again, "Okay, I promise, no more brooding," he said as he moved to the door, "today."

As he left the room, he could hear her laughter following him. He walked to through the ship to the cockpit and sat down at the flight console. He reached down, flipping a few switches and watched as an image of Serenity came up on the screen in front of him. They were close enough now for vid capture. They had finally caught up to the other ship at the beginning of the daytime cycle and would have to wait until the crew went to sleep again before they could attempt to board. It could be done while they were awake, but it would require much more effort. Sleeping, their kind were much easier to manipulate.

After checking the nav system, Jeremiah left the cockpit and walked to the common area where the others had gathered. Catorina and Mikal sat together, silent as always, faces set in hard masks. Matias leaned casually against one wall, his eyes sharp. Tara sat on the stairs that led to the cargo bay, her arms resting on her legs. They were waiting for him.

"You got a plan for how this is going to play out?" Matias asked.

"We wait until they begin their next sleep cycle. Last night when I spoke to Ophelia, she said that Elder Mithos will try and keep the girl under long enough for us to board," he looked at Catorina, "I need both you and Mikal to focus on keeping the others in check."

"What about the Flux?" Tara asked, "Do we know which one it is?"

"No, only that it's one of the men. Elder Mithos is to far away to pick up any specifics and the council didn't want to risk mind shock trying to find out so we're going into this blind." He ran one hand through his hair, "The fact that he has no idea what's going on or how to use his connection to the girl should help us."

" How aggressive are we going to be trying to get her out of there?" Mikal asked.

"We've been ordered to do as little damage as possible. We want to help this girl, not permanently destroy the people closest to her."

The other man grunted, "So we have to keep it dialed back. Their kind are so fragile."

"Just keep in mind that this is not a battle situation, all right? As far as we know, these people aren't any real threat."

"As far as we know," repeated Matias.

oOo

Jayne sat up on the weight bench and wiped the sweat from his face with the towel he had draped around his neck. River was in the middle of the cargo bay, spinning in slow circles and humming to herself, something she hadn't done in months. He walked over and stood a few feet away from her.

"Hey girl, you gone all moon brained again?"

She didn't stop spinning when she answered, "The music has stopped. Had to make some of my own."

"What music?"

"Serenity's music, it's gone. Just a ship now, lifeless and cold. It's always cold."

She stopped spinning and looked at him, "You're never cold. I don't understand it."

As she brushed past him, Jayne could have sworn he felt a cool breeze follow her. _Jesus Cobb, you're about as crazy as she is. _Only, he had stopped thinking of her as crazy weeks ago. It bothered him the way he felt like he had to watch her, protect her. She wasn't his to worry about, but that didn't stop him these days. It was the damndest thing.

It only took him a few strides to catch up to her. He reached out and grabbed her hand, turning her around so she was facing him again.

"I don't know what yer thinkin' on so hard it's got you all scrambled again, but you need to snap out of it or that brother of yours is gonna convince the captain to let him drug you up and won't be nothin I can do to stop it."

River cocked her head to one side, "You're worried about me?"

"Umm...well," Jayne muttered, shoving his hands into the pockets of his cargo pants, "You and me, we sort got to be friends. Don't like the idea of him pumpin' ya full of drugs again."

River smiled and stepped closer, "You aren't the man they think you are, are you?" She reached up and brushed a kiss against his cheek, "You're mask is plain to me now. I'm sorry I couldn't take it away."

She turned away from again, leaving him standing alone in the cargo bay. This time, he didn't try to follow her.

oOo

"She's getting worse. I've watched her deteriorate rapidly over the last week. I don't know what's causing it and I don't know how to stop it."

Mal watched as Simon paced back and forth in the small infirmary, "She don't seem to be violent, the way she was last time. No outbursts that I've seen, just that far away look and some hummin'. As long as she's not tryin' to kill anyone, we got bigger problems to focus on. Like how we're gonna make the drop on Morpheus and get out without bein' seen, _dong ma?_"

"What happens if her deterioration doesn't stop? What happens when it gets worse?"

"Well doc, I haven't dumped the two of you off this boat yet. Suppose we'll just have to deal with that when the time comes."

oOo

Dinner together was something Mal insisted on. Only in the harshest of moments was the rule relaxed. He felt it built a sense of family among the crew and a man fought hard to protect those closest to him. He sat at the table now and watched his little family. They'd seen their fair share of trouble, lost a couple of good people, but somehow they'd come through it. Now they were facing another patch of trouble, only this time, they didn't know the enemy, it unnerved him a fair bit. When a man knew his enemy, he could prepare for a fight. Going in blind was a recipe for getting people dead.

As River wandered in Mal noticed two things. The first thing that caught his eye was how quickly Jayne registered the girls appearance. He was quick about it, to be sure, but he took note. The second thing he noticed was that she did the same thing. Her eyes darted around the room until they came to rest on Jayne. She didn't stop moving, but he saw her shoulders relax a bit once she found him.

She sat down at the table and Mal could hear her humming to herself. The tune was soft and melodic. "What is that you're hummin'?"

River ran her fingers absently through her hair, her eyes glossing over, "Serenity's music," she said as she took another bite of her food, making a face as she swallowed, "You're cooking is still terrible Simon." She took one more bite and then pushed the plate away from herself, continuing to hum the strange tune.

Mal looked at Zoe. She raised on eyebrow and shrugged. He turned back to River, "Well now, didn't know my boat had her own tune."

"She used to, now it's gone. So I'm singing it for her."

"River," Simon said, "Where does the music come from?"

"Shhh...you'll break the rhythm," was the only reply he got.

Jayne sat silently, listening to the conversation. He'd decided that afternoon that he needed to start mindin' his own damn business again. He could feel her lookin' at him, but he wasn't going to get mixed up in her craziness anymore. _Just keep your head down Cobb. Ain't none of your concern._

He heard her push her chair back from the table, but he didn't look up. Not until she brushed past him and the breeze washed over his body again, carrying with it the sound of her voice. He glanced up and she caught his eyes, a small smile playing across her lips. She lifted one hand and waggled a finger at him, reminding him of the scoldin' his ma used to give him. For some gorram reason, it made him grin.

When he turned back to the table, everyone else had gone silent as if they were waiting for an explanation. He simply shrugged and picked his spoon up again, "Don't know what ya'll are makin' such a fuss over a little bit of hummin' for," he said before he began eating again. "Not like the girls runnin' around all naked and hollerin like a Reaver or nothin'. Maybe she's just tired of listening to all yer yappin." He turned his attention back to his meal, humming to himself as he ate, "'Sides, it's kinda catchy, don't ya think?'

Mal watched in stunned silence as his hired gun casually went back to eating his meal as if nothin' strange had occurred. For the second time in two weeks Jayne was defending River, a girl he'd once thought of as such a threat he'd tried to sell her out to the Feds. The situation definitely warranted further lookin' at.

oOo

Jayne slid his hand under his pillow and grasped the pistol he kept under it as soon as he heard the hatch to his bunk open. He waited until he heard feet hit the metal floor before rolling to his back and aiming at the shape at the end of the bed.

"If you shoot me, you'll have to explain a lot of things."

He dropped his arm and sat up, "What in the ruttin' hell are you doin' sneakin' into a man's bunk like that?" he asked as he flipped on the light.

River simply stared at him for a moment, as if she were trying to make a decision, "I feel strange."

Jayne snorted, "Girl, you _are_ strange. Always have been. Why's it a problem now."

River shook her head, "No," she said, "There's something wrong, something..." she stopped, searching for the right word, "something slow."

"Something slow? What the does that mean?"

River stretched her hands out in front of her body and wiggled her fingers, "I feel slow, like everything is to heavy." She dropped her hands back to her sides and took a step toward the bed.

When Jayne saw her start to stumble, he reached out to steady her, his hand catching her around the waist, "Whoa. I don't know about slow, you look a little drunk to me. You been getting' into the captain's stash?" he joked as he pulled her down to sit next to him on the bed.

River sank down and immediately leaned against Jayne. His warmth sinking into her bones like a blanket on a cold night. She shivered a little and moved closer.

"Jesus girl," Jayne said, "You're freezing."

"I'm always cold now. Since the music stopped I can't find the warmth."

Before he thought about it, Jayne pulled her down onto the bed and covered her with the blanket, instinctively wrapping one large arm around her and pulling her shivering form against his chest.

"Can I stay here?"

Jayne closed his eyes and sent a quick prayer to his ma that he wouldn't regret what he was about to do, "For now, sure, but we gotta get you out of here before anyone wakes up and gets the wrong idea," he said, reaching around her to turn off the light, "Now get some sleep."

He felt River nod her head and within minutes all he heard was her steady, even breathing. He closed his eyes and listened to her breath, feeling the rise and fall of her chest under his arm. It was a strange place he found himself in. Jayne couldn't think of a single time in his adult life he'd had a woman in his bed that wasn't naked, or about to be naked. Yet here he was, wrapped around this fragile girl like a protective shield and the only thing on his mind was making sure she stayed warm. It suddenly occurred to him that his ma had been right, some things were worth protecting.


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors Note: **_This chapter is very short. Chapter 10 is in the works and should be up tomorrow afternoon. There may be a couple of things that don't appear to make sense, but stick with me, I promise it becomes clear. _

**Chapter 9**

"_...one has to dies several times while one is still alive." - Friedrich Nietzsche _

"They have entered their next sleep cycle."

"We need to bring the Chronos along side the Serenity and prepare to board her," Jeremiah said without looking up.

Matias moved to stand next to Jeremiah. He reached over to the center console on the flight computer and hit several buttons, bringing up a schematic of the Serenity, "There are two small hatches fore and aft." He tapped the screen, rotating the image, "There's a set of cargo doors on the underside of the hull, but," he continued, rotating the image once more, "The easiest point on ingress is going to be the main airlock, here, at the rear of the ship."

Jeremiah scanned the image, "Easiest, yes, but also the hardest to do with any real kind of stealth."

"I know, but we aren't going to have a lot of time once we get in there and trying to get ourselves and a possibly unwilling Ferine out of one of the smaller hatches and back onto the ship will just complicate the extraction."

"Do we know where the girl is located?"

"Tara says there's some interference coming in, but once we're inside, she'll be able to lock down on her fast enough." Mattias laughed, "You know how she works, girls freaky fast."

"And Catorina and Mikal?"

"They just need to know what you need."

Jeremiah thought for a moment, "I want to try and get in and out without them knowing we were there, but if we need to, I think fire would be best, it will keep them pinned down."

"Primal fear?" Mattais asked, "I thought we weren't approaching this as a battle situation?"

"We're not going to use it to hurt them, just keep them in check," Jeremiah said, "But let's not forget that we don't know why that girl is on that ship or how they're keeping her there." He turned away, staring out into the darkness, "I know all to well what their kind is capable of, I'm not taking any chances."

oOo

River's eyes flew open and it took her several seconds to remember where she was. Jayne's breath was warm on the side of her face, his arm still anchored around her waist. She stayed still and listened, the music had returned. She could hear Serenity humming again. Then it was there again, the feeling that had pulled her from her sleep. She had felt something different for the last several days, but she hadn't been able to concentrate, her focus had been off. Lying here now, though, it was as if whatever had veiled her mind was gone.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the warmth of Jayne's body. The feeling was not unpleasant. It was the first time in days she'd felt any sense of normalcy or peace. She knew that as soon as she left him, the feeling would disappear. The chaos, silence and cold were waiting for her. She knew, too, that she could not stay here.

Rolling over she studied his face in the darkness. He was very handsome, she decided. She traced the line of his jaw lightly with her finger, admiring each angle of his face. The others did not see him the way she did. When they looked at him they saw a man who was good in a fight, but they never saw deeper than that. She knew now that he kept it that way on purpose. For what reason, she did not know, but she knew there was more to him than the crude, belligerent facade he presented to the world.

She rolled over as she began to slide out from under his arm so she could return to her own room. A moment of impulsivity stopped her and she turned back to face his sleeping form once more. She leaned close to him and pressed her lips against his, lingering longer than she would have had he been awake. A rush of heat and energy swept through her and she gasped when she felt his mouth move under hers and his fingers tangle in her hair. He applied gentle pressure, deepening the kiss.

River brought her hands up between them, pressing them against his chest, but she didn't try to push away. Instead, she allowed herself to relax against him, sliding one hand up along the length of his neck and wrapping her fingers around the back of his head. As the kiss continued she felt his lips open slightly, the tip of his tongue running along her lips. She gasped again, but still made no move to pull away. She allowed him to coax her own lips open, his tongue mingling with hers.

And then, as suddenly as it had begun, it ended. Jayne's hand fell away from her head and his grip relaxed. She looked down at him and realized he was still asleep. _He would be mortified if he knew what he had just done. _River ran the tip of her finger along his jaw one more time and then slipped out from under his arm. She would keep her secret, hold it close to her heart for those times when she felt most alone.

Silently she padded across the room, opening the hatch as quietly as she could. As she climbed the ladder, she could feel the cold settling in again and took one last look at Jayne's still sleeping form. Although she would have no one to share it with, the memory of this moment would be precious to her forever.

oOo

Jayne opened his eyes as soon as River left his bunk. He'd been awake since the first time her finger touched his face. Her touch had been soft, softer than anything he'd ever felt. He'd held himself still, waiting for her to roll back over. When she hadn't, he'd almost opened his eyes to say something to her...and then her lips had touched his. It had taken everything he had to stay still. She kissed him twice before, both innocent and harmless, like something you'd get from your sister. This had been different, he could tell that right off.

His body had reacted immediately and again, he'd had to force himself to stay completely still. He'd lasted all of ten seconds before he'd tangled his hands in her hair and pulled her closer to him. Somewhere in the middle of it all, his mind had come back to reality. He'd dropped his hand and kept his breathing steady until he was sure she thought he was asleep. He weren't going to be one of those men that took advantage of a girl just cause she got herself a case of the hero worships.

Swearing under his breath he ran one hand down his face and called himself ten kinds of _wang bao dan. _ He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his hands, and tried to think of how to keep a situation like that from comin' up again. He knew that if he shut down on her, it would hurt her, but he knew that if he let it go on...he didn't even want to think about that.

"_Ai ya," _he swore again, standing up and pacing the length of his bunk, "You stepped in it good this time Cobb. Couldn't just keep your nose out of things, had to go and get all..." he stopped mid-sentence when he heard the first scream. Everything else was forgotten as he flung back the blanket covering his guns and grabbed Vera off the rack. He climbed out the hatch and broke into a run as soon as his feet touched metal. Another scream tore through the metal halls of the ship and Jayne felt his blood run cold.

River.

oOo

Serenity was still singing to her as River moved slowly through the silent hallways of the ship. It was more distant now, but River could still pick out the distinct sound from the tangle of energy swirling around her. She felt a sudden wave of sadness grip her, as the cold settled in again, she would be left with only the tangled chaos.

She stood at the door of the infirmary and fought back the terror. Stepping into the room she moved slowly to the cabinet where she knew Simon kept the smoothers. She hoped they would forgive her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: **_We're in the thick of it now. This chapter was hard to write and I'm not sure I'm happy with how it turned out, so I may end up changing it later. I'd like to know what you all think of it so I can gauge how effective it is. Again, a huge thanks to all of you that continue to read. I hope more of you will let me know what you think of the story so far. _

**Chapter 10**

"_Fear is the mind killer." - Frank Herbert_

Jeremiah waited as Mattias worked to override the airlock on Serenity's main cargo bay doors. He could feel the others around him, their senses running wide open. He kept his own senses closed off, having them open when Tara was running wide was to dangerous, a tactic reserved specifically for battle, and that was the last thing they wanted.

Next to Mattias, Tara stood waiting for the door to open. He loved to watch her work, her energy flaring in brilliant color around her. Hers was the only pattern he could easily detect among the myriad of fluid signatures that twisted in the air around them.

The airlock hissed open and they all moved forward into Serenity's cargo bay. No one spoke as they followed Tara through the open space and into the interior of the ship. She moved to the front of the group and stood still for a moment.

Turning back to look at Jeremiah she said, "Most of them are asleep."

"_Most _of them?"

"There are eight distinct signatures on this ship. Six of them are in their sleep cycles, the other two are awake."

"Which two Tara?"

"The girl," she paused, "And the Flux."

"Fuck," Jeremiah swore under his breath, "You have a line on her yet?"

Tara grinned, "Please," she said, "I picked her up the minute we walked in here. She's in a bad way Jeremiah."

"Catorina, you and Mikal keep tabs on our sleeping beauties, keep them out. We're going to have enough to handle trying to get out of here as it is."

Leaving Catorina and Mikal, Jeremiah and Mattais followed Tara through the winding hallways of Serenity. She stopped in what looked like a common area of the ship and looked over her shoulder, "Her trail stops at the door to the infirmary over there."

As Jeremiah moved past her toward the door, she put a hand on his arm, "We may already be to late. Her trail was warm until here, it's ice now. Like death."

Jeremiah opened the door to the infirmary and swore. The girl lay supine on the floor, here eyes closed. On the floor next to her were a vial and needle. He slammed his fist into the wall, "I _told_ her we needed to get to her sooner."

Tara stared down at the form of the girl on the floor in front of them. She was pale. Her dark hair covered part of her face, her legs curled under her. She stepped around Jeremiah and knelt by the girl, placing to fingers on her neck. "She's still alive Jeremiah. Barely, but she's still there."

Jeremiah knelt down next to Tara, he opened his senses slightly, feeling for the girls energy. It was there, just barely. He looked over his shoulder at Mattais, "You need to pull her back, she's slipping fast and I'm not going to lose this one."

Tara stepped back to give Mattais room. He looked at the girl and at the small cramped space, "We need to move her to a larger area, I need more room."

Jeremiah picked the girl up and stepped back out into the common area. Carefully, he laid her on the floor and stepped aside so Mattais could get close to her.

"This is going to hurt her, she's likely to fight the process," he said, "It's going to feel like fire in her veins and she'll have no idea what's happening."

"Tara, go and get Cat and Mikal, we're may need them here."

Tara disappeared down the hallway and Jeremiah watched as Mattais laid his hands on either side of the girls head. He watched as Mattais pushed energy into the girl's now lifeless body and waited. Seconds later the first scream tore from her throat as she lurched up on the couch.

"He's coming," Tara said from behind him.

Jeremiah moved to the stairs that led from the crew quarters into the common area and looked up, "The Flux?"

"Yes," she answered, "The others have been awakened as well. I can feel them."

"Catorina, you and Mikal need to get them under control."

The pair moved to stand closer to each other, their eyes closed. A few moments later Catorina opened her eyes, "We have taken care of it...for now. We do not know how long we will be able to hold the illusion without risking damage to their fragile psyches."

Jeremiah looked at Tara, "The Flux?"

She shook her head, "No, he's still heading our way. Jesus Jeremiah, he's strong. If we can't get him stopped..." her words trailed off.

Jeremiah took a deep breath and opened his senses a little, "I know. But I really don't want it to come to that."

oOo

Jayne slapped one of the alarm buttons as the third scream echoed off the walls. She was screaming for him now, his name mingling with the sound of pain. He didn't break stride, didn't wait to see if anyone else was coming, he just kept moving. As he rounded the corner another scream pierced the air. He felt his heart lurch into his throat. He took the stairs to the common room two at a time and what he saw when he burst into the room brought him up short.

There were five people in the room, all looking at him. River was on the couch, a large black man crouched next to her, his hands on her face. As he watched, her slim frame jerked up and she screamed. He raised Vera, "I don't know who the hell you are, but I suggest you get the hell away from her or I'll fill your ass full of holes."

oOo

There was pain everywhere. River fought against it, tried to hide from it, but it followed her, pulling at her. She could hear herself screaming, but she was blind. The darkness was overwhelming. She clawed at it, trying to tear it away from her eyes. The pain came in waves now, tugging at her mind, burning her veins. She heard herself scream again, calling out for the only person she knew could help her.

oOo

Jeremiah studied the man standing in front of them, a gun aimed at Mattais's head. He was almost as large as Mattais and the look of rage on his face was unmistakable. He heard footsteps under the sound of the alarm. Things were starting to go south. They needed to get out.

_Catorina?_

_The others have slipped from our control. The illusion did not hold. We believe it is the girl, the connection with the Flux is stronger than we imagined it would be. _

_Tara?_

_There are three signatures heading out way fast._

_Mattais?_

_I have her, she's back, but not conscious. It's going to take a while for her mind to fully recover, but we can move her now._

_We need that fire now Mikal. _

oOo

Mal woke up to the sound of the ship wide alarm going off. He jumped out of bed, pulled his pants on, grabbed his gun and climbed out of his bunk. As soon as he was clear of the hatch, he broke into a run. Within moments he was joined by Zoe ,Simon and Kaylee. They all stopped when they heard the first scream..

"That's River," Simon said as he started to move again, "What the hell is happening?"

"No idea Doc, but we're damn sure gonna find out."

They made it a few more feet down the hallway when Mal stopped short, "Smoke," he said, "_Ai ya, _we've got a fire on board."

Seconds later they all saw flames shoot up the staircase in front of them, engulfing the entrance. They fled back the way they had come.

"Go," Mal yelled.

They ran into the galley and Mal hit the button to seal the door.

"Captain, my sister is out there."

"And there's nothing we can do about that now Doc," Mal said. He looked at Zoe, "Get everything sealed off."

Zoe started to move toward the other entrance in the galley. She stopped when she saw smoke coming in through the door. She bolted across the room and sealed the door, "We're trapped sir."

oOo

Jayne watched as the man nearest River picked her up from the couch. Her screams had stopped, but her eyes were still closed. He raised Vera a little, aiming for the man's head. As he started to pull the trigger and sharp pain shot through his head. Vera fell from his hands and he collapsed to his knees.

Through the haze of pain, he saw the group move out of the common area, taking River with them. He closed his eyes and pushed the pain aside. Staggering to his feet he picked Vera up and stumbled after them. His eyes blurred, and his breathing was coming fast, but he kept moving. He had to get to River.

oOo

"Jeremiah, he's still coming."

"Get her on the Chronos, I'll be right behind you."

As the others moved quickly to the airlock, Tara stopped next to him, "Jeremiah, you can't. You could kill him."

"And if I don't stop him, sever their connection, he _will _die," he said as he looked into her eyes. "I don't want to do this, but he's going to keep coming, even if it means he kills himself."

"I'm not leaving, you're going to need me."

Jeremiah didn't respond. He opened his senses wide and mentally reached out for Tara, connecting to her mind. He could feel her pulsing energy into him, stabilizing him. He saw the man come into the doorway. How he was still on his feet Jeremiah didn't know, the amount of pain he must be feeling would have stopped any other person. He waited a moment, hoping the man would pass out. When he didn't Jeremiah sent a pulse of energy out, pushing his way into the other man's mind. He found the connection easily and severed it quickly and cleanly. The man fell to his knees, his eyes rolling back in his head as he collapsed onto the metal deck of the cargo bay.

He closed his senses off again and turned, "Let's get out of here."

Tara looked at the man lying on the floor and stopped herself from going to check on him, to reassure herself he was still alive. They had the girl, that was the only thing she could focus on now. They needed to get her back to Morpheus, where she would be safe.

oOo

Jayne groaned and raised his hands to his head. It felt like it was going to split open. He opened his eyes carefully. The lights were low, but he recognized the room immediately. He was in the infirmary. _Why am I on the Doc's table? _He tried to remember what had happened. It came back to him in a rush...River. He tried to sit up, but there were hands on his chest, pushing firmly against him.

"Whoa, slow down, you need to stay still big man."

Jayne tried to focus his eyes, but his head felt like it was on fire. He closed his eyes again, "What happened? Where's River?"

"We were hopin' you'd be able to fill us in on that Jayne. Found you on the deck in the bay and we can't find River anywhere."

"_Ta me da..._They took her Mal. Damn freaks took her."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **_This is going to be the part of the story where you dislike Ophelia and the others quite a bit. Sorry it's taking so long to update._

**Chapter 11**

Jeremiah stood in the infirmary of the Chronos and stared down at the girl lying on the med table. She was still unconscious, her breathing shallow but even. A lock of her deep brown hair had fallen across her cheek. He reached down and swept it away from her face with his finger. She looked so fragile like this. He felt anger rise in his chest and felt his fists tighten.

The girl moved, a low moan escaping from her mouth, but she did not open her eyes. He pressed the com button on the wall, "Mattais, get in here. She's starting to come around."

A few minutes later, Mattais entered the infirmary and moved to stand next to the med table. He placed one hand on the girls forehead and closed his eyes. Jeremiah waited in silence until he was done.

When Mattais stepped away from the table again, he motioned for Jeremiah to join him outside of the room.

"She's healing, but she's still got a long way to go. The damage done to her brain was extensive."

"Can you tell what was done to her?"

"I've picked up on some of it. I don't want to go to deep right now, mind shock is still a possibility."

Jeremiah could tell his friend still had something on his mind, "Spit it out," he said.

"You do know how annoying it is that you can do that, right? Okay, here's the thing. Even damaged this girl is strong. She's strong like you're strong, maybe even more. I think the only reason we got her out of there without a fight was the fact that she'd drugged herself and that the Flux had no idea how to bolster her."

"He was running on pure instinct, trying to protect her. Although, for someone untrained, he exhibited a remarkable strength." Jeremiah looked through the window of the infirmary, "Will she regain consciousness before we reach Morpheus?"

"She's been through a hell of an ordeal. I put her under pretty far, she needs time to heal," Mattais said.

"Keep an eye on her, let me know if anything changes."

Jeremiah turned to leave, but Mattais stopped him, "Whatever they did to her, it caused major psychic bleed Jeremiah. I can't be sure we got to her in time, not until Ophelia has had a chance to examine her mind."

"I know," Jeremiah responded, "I have to allow myself to believe we reached her before she was to far gone," he said, "I've watched to many of them slip into madness over the last two years. After what that last girl did to herself," he closed his eyes as the memory assailed him, "I can't watch that happen again."

When he turned to leave this time, Mattais didn't stop him. After Jeremiah had disappeared around the corner, he walked to the window of the infirmary and watched the girl sleep. They didn't even know her name yet.

"Her name is River," Tara said, walking up to stand beside him, "I picked it up while Jeremiah was connected to the Flux. Her name kept repeating in his mind." She looked through the window, silent for a moment, "If she wakes up to damaged to be saved," she paused and looked at Mattais, "I don't know if I'll be able to help him this time."

Mattais wrapped one arm around her shoulder and pulled close, "We'll just have to make sure nothing happens to either of them."

Tara rested her head on his shoulder, still watching the sleeping girl, "I hope it's that easy."

oOo

"What the gorram hell are you talkin' about Jayne?" Mal said, "Who took River?"

Jayne pushed himself up into a sitting position and then laid back down when the room began to spin, "I heard her screamin' from my bunk, Mal," Jayne said. He looked at Simon, "I got to her as fast as I could Doc, but weren't nothin' I could do to stop them."

Simon looked away, turning his back on the man lying on his med table, "I'm sure you did," he said.

Jayne closed his eyes. He could hear the accusation in the other man's voice. He knew what they were all thinking. They thought he'd sold her out to the bounty hunters and got himself bashed in the head for his trouble.

"Look, I know what you think of me. I know you think I'd sell you and your sister out as soon as look at ya', and I'm not going to waste my breath tryin' to convince you otherwise," he said, pushing himself up again. This time he sat until the dizziness passed and tried to stand up.

Mal put his hands on Jayne's shoulders and pushed gently, "Just tell us what happened, because right now I'm powerful confused. Far as I can recall, my boat was just on fire. Trapped us in the galley. Now I'm lookin' around and seeing no evidence of that. You got something you can say to explain that?"

"No Mal. I can't explain anything right now. I don't understand it any mor'n you do," Jayne said, looking Mal directly in the eyes, "But I know we need to find out who they were and where the hell they took her."

"There's no doubt you're right, but we can't do anything right now. We need to get to Morpheus and drop this payment, then we'll figure out how to go about findin' our little lost albatross. I've lost enough good folk, ain't about to lose another."

oOo

"She's awake Jeremiah."

Jeremiah looked up from the book he was reading. Tara stood in the doorway, a look of concern on her face. "Is Mattais with her?"

"He is, but he needs you down there. She's agitated and he had to restrain her. He thinks you might be able to calm her."

Jeremiah set his book on the small table next to his chair and followed Tara down to the infirmary. The girl, River, was still on the med table and he could tell from the look on her face she was terrified. Mattais was standing next to her, one hand on her chest. He could see that his friend was concentrating on trying to calm her, but that is was having very little effect.

"Mattias, let her go."

Mattais immediately relaxed his control on the girls mind and as soon as she was free she pushed herself off the table, sliding to the floor and backing herself into the corner of the room. Her eyes were wild as she scanned the room. He could feel the energy surging out of her and opened his own senses, trying to dampen hers.

_Jeremiah, she's getting ready to..._

Tara never got to finish her thought as River erupted from the corner of the room. She jumped over the med table with remarkable speed, bolted past Tara and out into the hallway.

"Jesus," Mattais said, admiration in his voice, "she's almost as fast as you are Jeremiah."

Jeremiah didn't comment, he simply left the infirmary and walked into the hall, "Tara, which way?"

Tara scanned the hallway, "She's heading to the cargo bay."

"You know, I'm thinking that this little girl isn't to happy about finding herself here," Mattais said as he followed Jeremiah and Tara toward the cargo bay, "How do you want to handle this?"

"Don't hurt her," Jeremiah said, "If you have to, put her out, just don't hurt her."

They moved along through the twisting hallways in silence. Tara would occasionally point and they would change directions. As they neared the stairs that led to the cargo bay, Tara stopped moving.

_She's just up ahead. _

oOo

River waited. She could hear the group approaching. They moved silently, no alarms had been sounded and she didn't see any additional guards. She looked around the area where she stood and tried to find a place to hide.

The beams that ran the length of the ceiling and connected with the truss system holding up the catwalk slender, but they looked solid. She grabbed one of the beams running the length of the wall and climbed until she reached the top. She slid her slender frame over the first set of beams and waited, her back pressed against the ceiling, until she saw the group emerge from the hallway and head for the stairs.

oOo

_I told you we should have kept her out until we got back to Phelia's place. _

_Not now Mattais._

_She's confused Jeremiah. Mattais is right, we should have waited to bring her around until Ophelia was there to help calm her so we could explain things._

Jeremiah was about to say something when he was knocked off balance by River's body colliding with his. He fell to his knees and instinctively opened his senses. He could feel the anger and fear pouring out of the girl, her own senses were running hot. He rolled to one side, taking the girl with him, and tried to pin her to the floor.

River brought up one hand and caught the man on top of her just under the chin, causing his head to snap back. It wasn't enough to knock him out, but it did make him temporarily loosen his grip. It was enough to allow her to push herself out from under him and regain her feet.

Jeremiah pushed himself up and wiped the blood away from his lips with the back of his hand.

_She's got a hell of a stance, I'll give her that._

Jeremiah narrowed his eyes and looked at Mattais. The big man held up his hands in a gesture of surrender and even managed to keep the slight grin on his face from becoming a full blown smile.

Jeremiah redirected his attention to where River was standing. The glint of metal made him groan inwardly as his hand dropped to his thigh.

_She has my blade._

_You think she knows how to use it?_

River dashed forward, slashing out with the dagger she held in one hand. She caught the woman along the left forearm and managed to dance away before she could recover. A hand gripped her wrist and spun her and she found herself facing the large black man that had been looking down at her when she woke up. She twisted her body out and away from him, breaking his hold easily, but she had to sacrifice her hold on her purloined weapon in order to do it.

_I'll be damned, look at the girl go. Someone taught her how to fight. _

_You can admire her skill set later Mattais. Right now we need to get her under control before she hurts herself. _

_She's terrified, Jeremiah. She's trying to connect with someone called Jayne and not being able to find him is sending her into a blind panic. _

_Do it Mattais, put her under. _

River started to move forward for another attack when suddenly her limbs refused to cooperate. She felt herself sinking to the floor, felt the room begin to go black. She fought against it, pushed at the darkness as hard as she could. She needed to get away from these people and find out what happened to the others. She needed to apologize. She needed to make it right.

_I'm going to have to push harder. She's not drugged like she was the last time and she's fighting me. _

_Do it. We can help her rebuild the memories later, but right now we need to stop her from fighting us. _

Mattais gave a silent jerk of his head to indicate he understood before opening his talent wide and blasting the girl's mind with an energy wave. She dropped to the floor like a stone sinking in a pond and lay in an inglorious heap until Jeremiah picked her up.

Tara walked beside him as he carried her back to the infirmary, placing her gently on the med table. He accepted the blanket Tara handed him and placed it over her sleeping figure before heading back to his room.

Tara followed Jeremiah back to his room. She could tell by the way he held himself that he was battling his own inner demons. Having to give the order for Mattais to send her into a comatose would have been hard on him and she knew he was dealing with the backlash now.

Once they entered his room she shut the door and simply waited. She knew he would need her, but she also knew him well enough to know that if she spoke first, he would just tell her to leave.

Jeremiah sat down on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. She could feel the anger radiating from him in waves. When he still didn't speak, she walked across the room and sat down next to him, placing one graceful hand on his leg, "You didn't have a choice. She would have undone all of the healing Mattais had accomplished."

Jeremiah tilted his head so he could see Tara, "There are always choices," he said, "We didn't have to take her like we did. If we had gone in while they were still on Morpheus..."

"If we had gone in while they were still on Morpheus, they would have known where to begin looking. There would be a greater risk that they would find her before we could heal her. This was never going to be easy, it never is Jeremiah. They're so broken when we get to them," Tara moved her hand to cover his own and squeezed gently, "at least we know that she's not beyond saving."

"I could feel the fear and the pain Tara. It was rushing off of her like water running down hill," he closed his eyes, "And now, when she wakes up..."

Tara leaned forward and kissed his forehead lightly, "When she wakes up, she won't be scared anymore."

Jeremiah leaned his forehead against hers, "But what happens when the memories come back? Do you remember what happened to me when I finally regained my mind? How full of hate I was?"

"I remember," she said, "But I also remember that you came back to us, to me. Ophelia will be there for her just as she was for you. It will be fine."

oOo

Jayne slammed on hand into the wall. Mal was done talking, Zoe always sided with the captain, the Doc wouldn't even look at him and Nara and Kaylee just gave him those looks women give you when they don't know what to say.

He threw himself down on his bunk, shaking his hand as it throbbed. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Every time his closed his eyes all he saw was River's face. All he could hear were her screams.

He'd give Mal the time he asked for, he owed the captain that much, but he wouldn't wait forever. He was going to find River, find the people that took her. And when he did, he was going to kill every last one of them with his bare hands.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Jeremiah knocked on Ophelia's bedroom door and waited for her to open it. They had arrived on Morpheus three days ago, bringing River directly to Ophelia's home above the club. He hadn't been to see the girl since leaving her in Ophelia's capable hands, but today he wanted to be there. Ophelia had decided she was healed enough to be brought out of the psychic coma. Today they would find out how much damage had been done to her memory.

"You're here early," Ophelia said as she opened her door, dragging him out of his thoughts.

"I want to be there when you wake her up."

Ophelia stepped out of her room and walked to the balcony that overlooked the courtyard that was usually filled with leather clad teenagers. "You did what you had to do Jeremiah, if you hadn't allowed Mattais to force her under, she could have lost what little control she still had."

Jeremiah leaned on the balcony railing, "That doesn't make it any easier."

"There's no guarantee that she will have suffered any kind of significant trauma. She may wake up with all of her memories intact. From what Tara has told me, she's incredibly strong, even though she's never had any training."

"I still want to be there."

"I understand," Ophelia said, "Just remember that the best way we can help her is to repair the damage to her mind and teach her how to use her talent. Everything else has to come second."

Jeremiah pushed away from the railing and nodded before striding down the hallway toward the medical wing. Ophelia watched him leave, noting the stiffness in his back. This was hard on him. She knew he wanted to help the girl, but she also knew he was afraid to believe they'd reached her in time.

The last Enhanced they'd rescued had been well over a year ago. A young boy with huge green eyes and a smile that would melt your heart. He had been eleven years old. When they'd found him he was still being held in one of the secret medical facilities and he'd clung to Jeremiah for days after they got him out.

The trouble hadn't started until three weeks after they had brought the boy out of the psychic coma. The first sign that something was wrong were the nightmares. The boy would wake up screaming, and Jeremiah was always there. Next came the outbursts...accusations, threats, obscenities...they spewed from the child's mouth with a fluency that stunned everyone. But still Jeremiah had refused to give up. He had pushed Ophelia to put the boy under again, and she had agreed.

When they had awakened him the second time the child had been quiet, almost reserved. The nightmares stopped, the verbal outbursts were gone. For a time it seemed that he would recover, Ophelia had even begun the process of finding a host family for the child so he could begin his schooling.

Three nights later, after the club had closed, Ophelia had been torn from her sleep by screams coming from the club. She had rushed out of her private residence and down the stairs. There, kneeling on the marble floor, was the little boy. Next to him was a teenage girl, blood streaming from her eyes, her fingers tearing at her own hair.

Jeremiah had appeared next to her a few seconds later. He had been the one to stop the boy from doing further damage to the girl. He hadn't even hesitated when the child looked at him and asked, "Will you still love me when she's dead?"

The next day they had sent the comatose child to one of the special care facilities and Jeremiah had disappeared for a week. When he'd come back, some of the light had left his eyes. It had been months before he would even discuss the events.

Ophelia sighed as she descended the stairs to the club below. It a matter of hours, the doors at street level would open and hundreds of young people would flow inside. The music would be loud and lights set low. Anyone watching from the outside would see just another place for the young on the fringe of society to congregate. The club's purpose was much more than that.

She saw Tara standing near the bar and smiled, pulling herself out of her thoughts, "I'm glad I found you."

"I see you've talked to Jeremiah," Tara said.

"I have. He was just upstairs with me."

"He wants to be there when you bring her out of the coma, doesn't he?"

"And you're worried about his state of mind?"

"He almost lost himself to the anger last time Phelia, if she shows any signs of the madness...if he has to," Tara swallowed against the emotion, "I don't know that I'll be able to bring him back this time."

"Mattais and I have spent quite a bit of time with River in the last three days. Her energy is surprisingly stable. That's no guarantee, but it gives me reason to be hopeful," Ophelia said, "Now, let's talk about something else. You have people watching the docks, correct?"

"Yes," Tara said, "I have a group of Thrashers positioned just inside the main dock area and a smaller group keeping watch from the corner across the street. If anyone starts snooping around, we should have plenty of warning."

oOo

Mal walked down the cargo ramp and squinted into the harsh afternoon sunlight. He wanted to get to this meet and get off world again as fast as they could. They needed to get on with the business of finding out who took his pilot.

He heard footsteps on the metal behind him and turned. Zoe stood at the top of the ramp, one hand shading her face as she looked at the crowds milling around the docks. Jayne stood next to her, his hand resting on the butt of the pistol strapped to his thigh, a surly look stuck on his face.

He waited for them to join him, continuing to scan the crowd, "Waved Tilly as soon as we landed. She's meetin' us at one of the local bars. We're gonna make this drop and get off planet as fast as we can."

Jayne followed as Mal and Zoe began making their way through the crowds of people in the dock yard. They'd landed that morning and he'd felt uneasy all day. Somethin' prickin' at the back of his mind. After they cleared the dock yard gates he moved closer to Mal, "You remember them kids that was watchin' us when we loaded Tilly's goods?"

"I do," Mal said.

"You happen to notice we got a crowd of them followin' us?"

"Hadn't escaped my attention. You think we got a problem?"

"Not sure, but I'm thinkin' it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye out," Jayne said, tapping his fingers against his pistol.

"Just don't go shootin' no one without cause, Jayne, _dong ma?_"

Jayne nodded and slowed a bit, falling behind Mal and Zoe again, his eyes scanning his surroundings as they walked. The group of kids that had followed them out of the dock yard had split into two separate groups, one on the left side, one on the right. _Like they're flankin' us,_ Jayne thought. He casually unsnapped his holster, allowing himself easier access to his weapon.

It didnt' take long to reach the bar where they were supposed to meet Tilly and her boys. Before he followed Mal and Zoe in, Jayne looked across the street. They were still there, gathered in one group again. It was damn disconcertin' the way just stared, not moving. His attention was pulled away from them when Mal called out to him.

"Jayne, get your ass in here. We got business to tend to."

Jayne walked into the bar and scanned the room, taking note of where people were and looking for a second exit. He liked to know what his options were and where trouble could come from if things went south.

The bar was small and dimly lit, like most of the places they ended up in. Battered tables were scattered around the room and the patrons didn't look up as they walked past. _Folk used to keepin' their noses out of other people's business, _he thought as he continued to follow Mal and Zoe through the bar.

Mal moved through the bar to the back room. Tilly and her boys were seated in the far corner, blocking the only other door in the room.

"This here don't sit well with me Mal," Jayne said quietly, "That there is the only other way out of this room and if things go sideways, looks like we're gonna have to go through those to boys of hers."

"Well, let's just make sure things don't go sideways," Mal said.

"Because that plan's worked so well for us in the past, " Jayne said under his breath as Mal walked to the table where Tilly sat.

Mal dropped a small brown bag on the table in front of Tilly, "Payment for the goods we dropped."

Tilly picked up the bag and handed it to one of her sons, or Mountain Number 1, as Jayne had takin to calling him in his mind. The boy opened the bag and tipped the contents into his hand, inspecting the coin before turning to his mother, "It's all here, Ma," he said as he put the coins back in the bag.

Tilly took the bag back from her son and smiled widely at Mal, "Well captain, looks like we done real good on that job," she said, "Sit down boy, ya'll are givin me a crick."

Mal looked at Jayne before sliding a chair out and settling into it. Zoe took the chair to his left, but Jayne stayed standing, his hand resting on his hip.

Tilly looked from Mal to Jayne, "Seems your man there is a might jumpy, captain."

Mal looked over his shoulder to where Jayne stood, "He likes to be prepared."

"You expectin trouble?" Tilly asked Jayne.

"Never expectin it, so best to be prepared for it."

Tilly laughed, "Fair enough," she said, returning her attention to Mal. "Seems to me this was a fair profitable job you did for us," she said as she slid a smaller bag toward Mal, "That there's your payment, but seems to me we should discuss another piece of business."

"Well, I'd sure like to talk business with you, but we got us some other things we gotta take care of first," Mal said, sliding the bag toward Zoe who picked it up and quickly tucked it away inside her vest.

He stood up and pushed the chair under the table, "We'll be back out this way in a few weeks time, maybe we can talk about it then."

Jayne didn't miss the look that shot between Tilly's sons and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise. Causally he dropped his hand from his hip, preparing to fight his way out if he had to.

Tilly stood up, "Let's not be to hasty. I think you might want to hear about this job before you go turnin' it down."

A look passed between Zoe and Mal, but he didn't move to leave the room. Jayne saw Zoe shift her weight and drop her hand to her side, but she didn't say anything. Mal looked at Tilly, "As I explained, we've got business needs tending. Won't be able to get back this way for near a month."

"That's just fine captain. Cargo I need moved has to go to Persephone, figure it'll take a while to get payment back her anyway."

Jayne could see Mal thinking the proposition over and felt anger rise in his chest. They didn't need no work right now, they needed to be findin' the bastards that took River. But he kept his mouth shut, weren't the time or the place to air that dirty laundry.

"What cargo might it be you need moved to Persephone?"

"Got a load of Aldanian wine that came to me through unusual channels. Got myself a buyer on Persephone. You'd see double the pay."

"Double? That's a mighty hefty price to be offering. Especially since Aldanian wine ain't exactly illegal."

"This wine was, let's just say, it was liberated from it's former owner. Special stuff, got those little wax seals on it. Come to find out that means it belongs to someone's private stash. Can't sell it through the normal channels."

Mal thought it over for another moment before saying, "We'll take your cargo to Persephone, but payment won't come back for a month or better, agreeable?"

Tilly stood up and walked to where Mal stood. She held out her hand, "Looks like we got us a deal."

Mal shook the woman's hand, "We're plannin' on leaving tonight. Can you get the goods to us by then?"

"My boys'll have it there in two hours."

Mal nodded, then turned and walked out of the room.

Jayne followed silently until they were back out on the street and headed back to Serenity.

"We got no business takin' on jobs now. We got other things we need to do."

Mal stopped walking and looked Jayne in the eye, "Don't think I forgot what it is we need to do, but that boat ain't gonna fuel itself and if she's willing to wait for payment, then I don't see the harm. We gotta go to Persephone to see Badger anyway, might as well get us some coin in the process."

"Don't it seem just a bit convenient that Tilly needs goods shipped to Persephone, sir?"

"Might be Zo, but wouldn't be the first time we took on an ill-advised job, now would it?"

"No sir, can't say it would."

"That's settled then," Mal said, "Let's get supplies laid in and get ourselves off the world."

As they moved through the streets back to the dock yards, it didn't escape Jayne's notice that the group of Thrashers that had tailed them to the bar was still there.

oOo

As soon as Mal and his crew left the room, the door behind Tilly opened. A shrouded figure stepped out of the shadows and walked to the window, watching as the group walked away from the bar. Tilly stood waiting for him, an uncomfortable look on her face.

"Them the ones yer lookin' for mister?"

The man held out one hand, a small bag held in his fist. When Tilly opened her hand, he dropped the bag into her waiting palm, "Yes."

"So, you don't need me and my boys no more?"

He could sense her panic, reveled in it. Her kind were always so easy to manipulate, "If I have further need of you and your sons, I will let you know. Until then..." he purposely let his words trail off, allowing her to fill in the gaps. He turned and disappeared into the shadows again, leaving Tilly standing alone, clutching the small bag of coins to her chest.

Tilly watched as the Devil slipped back into the shadows. That's what she'd started calling him. He reminded her of the stories her Ma used to tell. Dark and handsome, he could be charming, set a person at ease. But when he smiled it never quite reached his eyes and a woman could tell there was mean lying just under the surface.

She felt a pang of guilt as she remembered the young girl that had come to the first meet with Malcolm Reynolds and his group. She didn't know what that man wanted with her, but she was sure it weren't nothin' good.

Enoch stood behind his mother and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Ma, I don't like dealin' with his kind. We're sure to see the business end of trouble out of this."

Tilly nodded slowly, "We'll just have to deal with it as it comes son. Ain't nothing else we can do now."


End file.
